Black Roses (1988) 5/10

Black Roses is a late 80s flick directed by John Fasano (Rock N Roll Nightmare) about a "heavy metal" band named, you guessed it, Black Roses that comes to a small town to turn its children into parent killing psychos.

Let me first start off by saying that there is NO heavy metal in this film. None. The music you hear is late 80s chick rock, hair rock, glam, whatever you want to call it, just don't call it metal. Ever.

That being said there's nothing really too interesting going on here. The pace is on the slow side and when the killing starts it only includes a few parents, and the killing is mostly off screen. The presentation is nice and for hard to find cult 80s fans check it out. There is some fun monster makeup and animitronics, but they're never explained.

Why would Synapse release this mediocre film when Night of the Creeps and the Video Dead still remains only available on vhs? Whatever. 5/10 nothing to write about here.

Gore - mild
Nudity - some
Overall - 5/10

The Ferryman (2007) 6/10

The Ferryman is a New Zeland indie flick about a man that has lived 1,000 years running from the Ferryman at the river Styx. He jumps from body to body by stabbing them with a knife and has inhabited a body on a boat in the ocean. A group of tourists on the way to Fiji find him on his boat, alone and needing help. They bring him on board and the killing and body snatching begins.

The film stars John Rhys-Davies of LOTR fame as the first victim of the spirit. Which means he plays the villian, the victim, and the hero!

Once again I checked this out from an article I read in Fangoria about the film and once again the film is...ok.

The acting is pretty good as well as the directing. Theres actually a number of great shots and creepy lighting, both of which are above the standard low budget b-horror movie. In fact i'm sure this was theatrically released..somewhere. Of course it wouldn't be released here since none of the actors are A listers and the overall film isn't unique enough to appeal to the indie theaters. The film features tense moments but lacks any real punch.
A solid effort but the script is a bit too thin for any real terror but it is nice to see a somewhat unique idea from a direct to video cheapie instead of yet another teen slasher or zombie flick.

This is a solid film for horror fans that aren't interested in getting "deep" with their horror fare. Nothing really outstanding but nothing really glaringly bad either. To put it simply, it seems like a film that would premiere on Sci-Fi but would be surprisingly good for a Sci-Fi movie.

Gore - medium
Nudity - very little
Overall - 6/10

Eastern Promises (2007) 8/10

Eastern Promises is David Cronenburg's (The Fly, Videodrome, A History of Violence) newest film about a woman (Naomi Watts) that stumbles upon a dead russian girl's diary, which becomes her gateway into the violent and dangerous world of the Russian mob in England. Viggo Mortenson plays the driver and sometime assassin of the mafia.

That's a pretty stripped down description since there is alot going on in this film but I don't want to give away any of the important twists and character defining moments. To be honest i was let down by A History Of Violence. It was well made sure, but the ending wasn't very satisfying and neither were most of the explanations. Eastern Promises however is a very satisfying film that has international intrigue, unique cultural references, interesting relationships and of course some very violent scenes.

The film moves at a nice pace and is filled with unique characters that engage the audience emotionally and a complicated plot with a few very satisfying surprises. The director uses very little to explain alot. Instead of spending several minutes trying to get a point across he simply sets up the scene or perhaps even a single shot to convey the important information. This cuts down on the run time significantly and increases our ability to stage engaged throughout. The total run time was only 1 hr. 4o, when the film could have easily been 2 hr 30.

My only complaint is that I wanted more, and I suppose that's the best complaint there is.

Gore - Medium
Nudity - More of Viggo then I ever wanted to see
Overall - 8/10

Paprika (2006) 7/10

Paprika is the latest anime from director Satoshi Kon (Perfect Blue, Millennium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers) about a newly designed device that allows another person's consciousness to enter your dreams. The device is used for therapy but when three of the experimental devices are stolen the dreams of those involved with the project turn into paralyzing nightmares they may never return from.

Enter Paprika and a police detective to track down the theives and save their friends.

I loved Millinnium Actress so I decided to check Paprika out. The film is filled with bizzare dreams and a constant reality vs dream shifts and dramatic shifts within the dreams themselves. This shift of perspective deftly re-creates the feeling of a dream but because of the clear direction we as an audience are never confused but pleasantly suprised and engaged by the shifts. Thankfully the film makers did not become mired in the idea of a dream but rather tried to tell a cohesive story.

The film is mature and thoughtful, appealing to an intellegent audience rather then the normal short attention span hyper action addicted anime fan. For the film to work and be believeble to an audience it simply had to be animated. There really is no practical way of doing a film like this in a conventional live action setting without drawing attention to special effects. The animation helps us grasp the dream world rather then drawing attention to the effects creating the world.

The animation is beautiful and the story is interesting if not particularly emotionally engaging. I feel that there are many cultural references within the film that I didn't, or couldn't, pick up on. This kept me from being totally engaged with the film. Still its worth a look for the more adventurous movie goer and anime fan alike.

Overall - 7/10

Reeker (2006) 6/10

I read about Reeker in Fangoria recently and the glowing review they gave it made me give it a shot. And although it is above the par of most b-grade direct to dvd horror flicks it still not quite impressive.

Its about a group of teenagers on their way to "Area 52," a burning man-esque festival with drugs, sex, and techno music. On their way they experience car trouble and are picked off one by one by a smelly killer. Yup, a killer with serious hygene issues. Given the fact that he's some sort of zombie ghost (yeah thats right i said zombie ghost) i guess it makes sense that he smells bad. His true origin is revealed in the end and it all makes sense, sort of. But while watching the film we have no idea who or what the killer is, just that he's killing our characters and i guess thats all we need to know.

To be honest this really is very by the books. Each character is picked off when they smell the fetid funk of the zombie ghost and we move onto the next victim. The film is compentently directed and none of the characters are especially irritating, nor are they especially interesting, save the blind character. The film does move a quick pace but after the initial killings before the titles, the killing doesn't begin again until after the one hour mark. When the killing does occur, most of it is off camera stuff so there's not much real gore in the film with the exception of the beginning of the film and some towards the end.

For all the rather bland setup the ending does not dissappoint. The twist is satsifying as well as the explaination for the carnage we have witnessed. I won't spoil it for you but it did turn the film from a middle of the road 5/10 to a slightly impressive 6/10. Keep in mind a 5/10 is still a pretty good score. It doesn't suck and it doesn't impress, so a six ain't that bad and neither is Reeker.

Gore - mild to medium
Nudity - none
Overall 6/10

Masters of Horror - Brad Anderson - Sounds Like (8/10)

The Masters of Horror series has been a real letdown for me overall. I watched most of the first season and came away with only really liking two episodes (John Carpenter's and John Landis') and to be honest I haven't even looked at many of season two. Most of the episodes that i've seen emphasize gore and nudity instead of good story telling. There's a big pissing contest between the directors, who is the goriest? Who has the most nudity? Who is the most disturbing? That in of itself would be great if it really pushed them to create great work but overall the films seem bland and well...stupid.

Sounds Like sidesteps the whole thing and goes straight for good storytelling.

I've been a fan of Brad Anderson ever since I caught Session 9 on IFC one late night. He continued to impress me with the almost Lynch-ian "The Machinist" so when I heard he was doing a master of horror I knew I had to check it out.

Sounds Like is about a man who's son dies tragically young of a heart condition. Ever since his death the man, Larry, can hear exceptionally well, even when he doesn't want to. As his grief grows, so does his hearing ability. Larry refuses to deal with his grief and this sets the stage for a tremendous breakdown.

There is virtually no gore in this episode, the only small ammount being in the last five minutes. The episode plays out more like an episode of the Twilight Zone as the tension and suspense (yeah, remember suspsense? whatever happend to that..) grows and grows. The pace is much slower then most episodes given the psychological nature of the story, but to be honest its a welcome change from previous entries. This is what anthology shows are all about. Great storytelling and suspsense. We actually care about the main character and empathize with his situation. Wow, empathy in a Masters of Horror episode? Imagine that. Too bad there aren't more episodes like this one.

Gore - very mild
Nudity - none
Overall 8/10

Antibodies (2007) 6/10

Antibodies is a new thriller from Germany about a small time cop trying to solve the brutal murder of a littler girl in his community. A mass murderer is caught in the big city that kills with a similiar M.O. so he visits the killer to find out if he is the culprit in his murder case. This begins a cat and mouse game that continues until the final climax of the film.

It is very unique to for Germany to produce such a film since horror/thriller films are generally unpopular there, they mostly like comedies, kind of ironic huh? Anyway the film is 2+ hours and works well for its length but overall the film never really grabbed my attention. I cared but not enough to become emotionally engaged with the characters, just enough for curiosities sake. The film focuses on the main character and his desire to solve his murder while dealing with his communities' disdain for his finger pointing on them rather then the admitted mass murderer. The conflict pits him against his community and against the killer while being stuck in the middle. His worries about his family, and specifically his son and his possible violent tendencies add to the conflict and confusion in the officers mind. There really is alot going on here with many layers to the main character but at the end of the day i guessed the "twist" ending and wasn't very shocked or suprised with the eventual outcome.

Gore - mild
Nudity - some
Overall 6/10

Pieces (1983) 6/10

Pieces is an italian slasher about a killer on a college campus bent on assembling the best pieces of women to make his perfect girl. The film stars Christopher George also star of Fulci's City of the Living Dead.

Low budget cheeze with great silly lines of dialogue and chainsaw mayhem. This forgotten little gem has some great gore scenes as well as some very cheesy out of frame decapitation gore. They didn't reinvent the wheel here. Standard slasher involving a chainsaw a great flick to watch if you're in the mood for mindless mayhem (and we all are right?)

Pieces will be re-released by Sylvester Stallone's Son's imprint grindhouse releasing at some point with a restored picture tons of special features, uncut. Then again the company has been saying they would release the beyond, a cat in the brain, and lots of other films but has only managed to release cannibal ferox again and i drink your blood again so don't hold your breath.

Gore - medium to high
Nudity - medium
Overall 6/10

Severance (2006) 9/10

Severance is a british Horror/Comedy (note not a Comedy/Horror) about a group of people employed by a corporate arms manufacturer that goes for a nice team building weekend in the back woods of Hungary. Upon reaching the woods the team discovers they are being hunted by an unknown killer in the woods. Sounds like a pretty standard killer in the woods film right?

Wrong. This film does everything it could possibly do right. The script moves at a very brisk pace but not so fast that we don't get a chance to learn about each character. The beginning of the film is filled with funny moments that allow us to begin to care about each indivdual character. Instead of hating the cast the director takes great care to make the audience feel empathetic towards the characters. This sets us up for the wonderful carnage that is to come.

Great acting and great special effects along with a very smart script equal one of the best damn horror films to come out in the past five years. Why this never reached theaters is beyond me. Tons of gore (one stomach turning scene involving a bear trap included), lots of laughs and some plain old badass shoot em up bad guy killing action gives this film the balls to satisfy any horror fan. Fans of Shaun of the dead this is a must.

Gore - Plenty!
Nudity - little
Overall 9/10 Make this the next film you see!

Ebola Syndrome (1996) 7/10

Ahh yes the infamous Ebola Syndrome. A man in Hong Kong kills three people vicsiously, flees to South Africa and becomes a carrier for the ebola virus, infecting all those he comes into contact with.

The film includes rape, castration, gore, cannibalism, you know, the staples. What would you expect from the director of The Untold Story? Lots of blood guts and gross outs though not quite as shocking as I had expected. The film moves at a quick pace and its shot well.

To be honest i like the Ebola Syndrome much better then the Untold Story. This film has better characters and a lack of annoying cops as in the Untold Story. The script is much more clearly written making it much easier to watch. Overall a good flick if you're looking for some Catagory III hong kong sleaze.

Gore - medium
Nudity - some
Overall 7/10

Neurosis - Given To The Rising (2007) 9/10

Neurosis is one of my all time favorite bands. I've had the rare opportunity to have seen them twice and they certainly didnt dissappoint. Their past few records although still good, were dissappointing. Times of Grace to me is where Neurosis really hit their peak. The eye of every storm was a very solid release, much better then A Sun That Never Sets, but I never really listened to either of those records too much.

Given To Rising is a much more angry and powerful record. Its much less somber and more, well ass kicking, if that term can be handed to neurosis. This is a much more aggressive album more on par with Through Silver in Blood or some of their earlier work. Gone are most of the clean sung vocals, replaced by their trade mark screams. The bassists vocal presence is greatly missed though. Maybe next record?

The record flows very nicely with no "bad" tracks. The strength in this record is remarkable considering their last truly great record came out almost 10 years ago! I'm not ripping on their last couple of releases because even when neurosis is bad they're still better then all their immitators. It's been a while since i was so excited by a record. Thank you neurosis for contunually striving to hit new highs and to raise the bar once again out of reach for anyone else.

overall 9/10

Wolves In The Throne Room - Diadem of 12 Stars (2006) 9/10

Wolves In The Throne Room hail from Olympia Washington and they rip.

First of all they have one of the coolest band names i've heard for a while, especially for a black/doom metal band. I'm sure these guys don't like to be labeled but for the sake of simplicity there it is. I'm not a huge fan of black metal, particularly American black metal. Most of what i've heard is way too raw and slow and repetative for my tastes. I know black metal is supposed to be grim with raw recordings to emphazise the "cold hatred" or whatever. This record on the other hand does have a somewhat raw recording but just raw enough to make it perfect. I do believe that black metal doom and grind should have a certain ammount of distortion to help create the atmosphere and boy does this ever have atmosphere.

Plenty of blast beats and quick picking with slow raging screams. The vocals fit perfectly along with the somber music with female sung vocals used throughout the record. I'm also not a fan of dramatic female vocals in black metal, but this works very well with the album. It doesn't overshadow or overdramatize whats going, just emphsizes it. There are no keyboards to add to the organic feel of the album. There are beautiful melodies within each track as well as almost thrash passages creating an eb and flow of beauty and power. Each track clocks in at least 13 min. but they don't seem long. Each song feels like an album in itself with plenty of tempo and emotional changes. This is one solid record that captures the beauty and savagry of black metal perfectly. I know everything i've described sounds like any other atmospheric black metal and in a way you would be right. But these guys have so much respect for themselves and their audience that they don't allow themselves to do it in a mundane way, rather to try to elevate the genre to a level that few reach. In fact i feel that this album would appeal to a broad metal audience, not just people already into black metal. If only more American bands were trying to be as good as this instead of being "grim" and "kvlt." Buy this.
Overall 9/10
http://www.myspace.com/wolvesinthethroneroom

Municipal Waste - The Art Of Partying (2007) 7/10

So I figure since I love metal as much as I love horror movies, i should review music too. For my first review I have Municipal Waste - The Art of Partying.

Municipal Waste hail from the east coast and have members of Baroness as well as Dave Witte (human remains, black army jacket, the list goes on and on and on) on drums. They play old school style crossover thrashy hardcore metally whatever, you get the drift. Very fast, metally punky stuff. This is their sophomore release and it does not dissappoint. Filled with tons of speed, fun lyrics, the name of the record speaks for itself. I was lucky enough to snag a first pressing which includes two bonus tracks as well as an old school patch, perfect for my denim vest! Great band tons of energy and tons of fun.

Overall 7/10
http://facethewaste.com/

Inland Empire (2007) 4/10

Wow, where to start here. I guess the first thing i'll say is that this film is 3 hours long and i gave up after 2. If you feel that because i didn't finish the film i can't have a true review of it. fine. stop reading. If a film is 3 hours long, it better be really good for me to dedicate that much of my time to it.

This film however was not really good. I am a david lynch fan. I love lost highway, blue velvet, hell i even love Dune. The only one of his films i didnt like was wild at heart. So you can stop with "well maybe he doesn't eve like his films." You can also stop with the fanboy syndrome of never being happy with a director/musician/whatever, does in light of previous supposedly masterpiece work. I think a person's films should be judged without thinking of previous works as much as possible, though can't be avoided altogether.

Whew that being said i really didnt like this film. It's shot on digital which usually doesn't bother me but because of the quality and the lack of a tripod alot of the camera work looks just like something out of a student film. There's a host of characters that are seemingly unrelated not that thats unique in a lynch film. The thing that gets me is that there is no conflict set up like in his other films or 99% of any other films for that matter. Laura dern plays an actress that slowly goes crazy i guess and there seems to be no reason for this. There are some beautifully shot and edited squences but those don't stop the bulk of the film from bringing the whole ship down. For some reason the films comes off as amateurish and poorly acted. sorry david this one's a miss.

Overall 4/10

13 Tzameti (2006) 7/10

13 Tzameti is a french film about a young man living in poverty with his family. Each day he goes and works on a man's roof only to find out that the owner is invovled with something illegal and highly profitable. When the owner dies, the young man sets out on a trip meant for the owner. This decision sends him down a path that leads to gambling on murder.

The film has a very nihilistic tone where life is cheap and humans are willing to do anything to make a quick buck with little remorse. The film moves at a nice pace, blazingly fast for most modern french films, and actually has a real ending. Imagine that, a french film with an ending, what a novel idea! Anyway the whole fim is shot in black and white which helps lend to the black and white nature of man's desire i suppose. A nice film if you're in the mood for something a bit different but not too artistically dense.

Overall 7/10

The Burning (1981) 7/10

Finally after years of waiting the notorious "The Burning" has been released onto dvd uncut and remastered.

The film is about a group of kids going off to camp to enjoy the summer by the river in the forest. Of course there's a killer in the woods seeking revenge on said campers. Sound familiar? Yeah this one doesnt deviate from the tried and true formula made popular by Friday The 13th. Interestingly though the script (written by Harvey and Bob Weinstein!) was completed a full year before the Friday the 13th script. The actual production of The Burning was done after Friday the 13th though. So its a toss up as to which is copying which but the real question is, which one is better? For me personally I think the burning is a better film from a technical standpoint. The directing is much more solid and more professionally done, though the gore in Friday is much more extreme. The burning also features soon to be stars just like Friday The 13th did. Also Tom Savini did the make up and gore effects for both films. I cared much more about the characters in The Burning and felt that the conflicts were more believeable .
So what you end up with is a clone of Friday if you love Friday, or a better version of Friday if you don't.

Either way The Burning is a solid film with plenty of gore but not nearly as much as the legend goes. The film has been in limbo for so many years that its legend grew and grew to almost mythic proportions. It is gory, but not that gory. Certainly nothing beyond the pale of what was common at the time. The film had plenty of trouble getting distributed though, being hacked up by the MPAA as well as outright banned in some states and being one of the infamous 74 Video Nasties in the UK. The dvd features a great interview with Tom Savini that lends alot of information about the film. If you love old school slashers check it out but don't expect it to reinvent the wheel.

Gore - 8/10
Nudity - a little
Overall 7/10 a solid film

Strip Nude For Your Killer (1975)

Strip Nude For Your Killer is as you might imagine an Itlian horror film, to put it more accurately, a giallo. And like any giallo it has beautiful women, nude of course, a black clad disguised killer that uses a large knife to dispatch the victims while the characters, and the audience, try to figure out who the killer is. The film uses stricking colors and dramatic jazzy music to make the brutal killing and unnessesary nudity seem more "artsy." Though that as well is very typical of the genre. This film in particular has an above average ammount of nudity and sex making it one of the more sleazy giallo's i've seen. The killings aren't all that graphic though that may be more due to the lack of budget then anything. Overall an average, but successful giallo. Great for fans of the genre but look elsewhere, say maybe Dario Argento's Opera(?) for people whom are uninitiated.

Gore - mild to medium
Nudity - alot!
Body Count - 5-8
Overall - 6.5/10

The Hidden (1987)

The Hidden is a great late 80's sci-fi flick about an alien that comes to Earth to drive fast cars, listen to metal, and kill lots of people. The alien jumps from person to person when the current host becomes too "damaged," or more accuratly, shot to hell. Cool huh? The alien is being persued by none other then Kyle Maclachlan the star of Blue Velvet and Dune. The film moves along at a fast pace and has plenty of bloody shootouts as well as chases invovling cars none of us will ever drive let alone own. Very fun and tasteless cheeze.

Gore- some but not lots
Nudity - none
Body Count - 5-10
Overall Score - 7/10

Halloween (2007)

So, is it better then the original? Is it more frightening? Does it answer long wondered questions? In a word, no.

I walked into the film hoping for the best but preparing for the worst, and well, the worst is what i got. Instead of ranting on and on i'll keep it short and sweet. Nothing is explained. All the choices that Michael Myers makes are arbitrary. There is no really significant catalyst for his actions. He is not the creepy possibly evil child that the original hinted at. Nope. He's just the product of a broken home. He gets verbally abused. wow. Thats why he turned into a non speaking mass murderer of supernatural strength? Really? The original has been out for 30 years and they were given a significantly larger budget and thats the best they could do? I'm guessing the script was either rushed or maybe Rob Zombie has no imagination?

Good job on trying to relaunch a horror dynasty, too bad it leaves all questions unanswered. Beyond that the film isnt creepy at all. Its just brutally violent, which normally i would love being the gorehound that i am. But the violence seems almost pornographic or at least vulgar. I'm all for crazy awesome death scenes but the best ones were lifted from the original, and poorly reproduced at that. The whole film feels muddy and unfocused. The ending of the film felt like it was about 14 hours long too. I kept thinking, enough cat and mouse, someone needs to die so this can hurry up and end. thats not a good sign. I got the distinct feeling that Rob Zombie was just trying to recreate the brutality seen in the grindhouse era films like cannibal holocaust, last house on the left, or maybe don't go near the park. The problem is that has nothing to do with the spirit of the original. If you're looking for brutal violence with no brains and no scares then check it out.

The only good thing that came of this film i feel is the fact that it did very very well at the box office. Lately horror film attendance has stalled so its nice to see that the general public isn't ready to ditch horror just yet. Hopefully more innovative and unique films such as Saw, Session 9, and Nightwatch will continue to have a place in the box office and add legitamacy to the genre.

Gore - Lots
Body Count - 10+
Nudity - Lots
Overall Score - 5.5/10

Trick Or Treats (1982)

Here we have a Halloween clone that falls short....badly. The film is about a man who is sent to an insane asylum by his wife who then goes on to marry a magician. Yeah a magician. They have a kid who wants to follow in his parents footsteps. The parents leave town to entertain wayne newton and leave the son with a babysitter. This night is of course halloween and it is also the very night that the husband breaks out to seek his revenge. Sounds familiar right?

Gore- None. yup, theres a little blood but thats it.
Body count- 0-3. 90 minutes of waiting and only the killer dies. and some homeless people.
Nudity - none
Scary meter - 1 not scary.
Overall Score - 3/10

Conclusion
This film is 90 minutes of boredom. The characters are one dimensional, no gore, no scares, no humor, no terror. This film doesn't exist.