An American Crime (2008) 8/10

Recently, I read The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum. A brutal book about childhood torture loosely based upon a true story. After the release of the film version of the book I discovered that a film based directly on the original true events was being produced. An American Crime is that film.

Staring the new "it" girl Ellen Page of Juno and Hard Candy fame, An American Crime is about two young girls left to live with their neighbor's family while their parents travel with their carnival booth. The girls soon discover that not all is right in this seemingly normal household as punishments met upon the girls by the mother of the household become increasingly brutal and abusive. Even the neighborhood children get in on the punishment, punishments that include kicking, punching, burning, branding and strangling and imprisonment.

An American Crime is a brutal, brutal film. Its expertly directed and acted making the onscreen drama palpable and almost unbearable to watch. Due to the graphic nature of the film this dark drama borders on the horror side of things without an ounce of exploitation or humor. Grim is a good word for this film. Set in the mid 1960's the film captures the era perfectly, transporting the audience to a simpler time when neighbors didn't get into each other's business allowing atrocities like this to occur. My reviews can testify to the fact that I love brutal horror, the gorier and crazier the better, but even I had a hard time watching this one. In fact I had to look away a couple of times when the torture and drama became all too real. Given the A-list cast and superior direction it's a mystery why this film wasn't at least released in limited theatres. The film has been buried by its distributor in fact. No commercials, no online ads. Just a quiet release. My guess is due to the shocking subject matter and the realistic way in which it was presented the distributor was afraid of public outrage upon its release.

An American Crime is a brave lightening rod of a film that is as shocking as it is realistic. Given the fact that it's based on true events makes it all the more chilling. Check it out, but be forewarned, this is not a pleasant film to watch.

Overall - 8/10

Wizard of Gore (2007) 5/10

When I found out that H.G. Lewis' The Wizard of Gore was being remade with Crispin Glover playing the role of Montag the Magnificent, I knew I had to check it out.

The film's script is based on the original film but doesn't copy it exactly. An underground newspaper writer who specializes in the seedy fetish scene in Los Angeles gets invited to witness a special performance of Montag The Magnificent, an extreme magician who's show involves the brutal killing of a volunteer only to have them re-appear unharmed. The volunteers are found the next day after the performance dead from wounds that mirror the illusion created by Montag. Who's killing these girls is such a grisly manner and why does the writer keep having nightmares that mimic the killings?

The original film was loaded with gore but crudely assembled with terrible acting and shoddy camera work. The remake tries to rectify this by heaping on the style and taking the original simple script and making it more complex. A wide color palette is used here that takes its ques from early Italian Gialli but with less skill. Many of the shots are so dimly lit that the HD video looks grainy and the subject is almost impossible to see. This effect comes off as accidental rather then intentional and honestly makes the film hard to watch, when the viewer can't even see what's going on in the damn scene! Most of the acting here is pretty good, except the main character. Why the director would invest money in small characters being played by competent actors but skimping on the guy we follow throughout the whole movie, i'll never know. Crispin Glover's performance is pretty damn good but don't expect a confident powerful character as found in the original. No, Crispin delivers a psychotic performance thats more akin to Willard then the original Montag. Oddly enough the gore isn't as plentiful as in the original. I don't know why you would re-make a film with Gore in the title and not try to out-do the original. Sure there's gore but for the most part it's shot from afar lessening it's gruesome impact. The close-up gore effects is part of what made the original so legendary and it's sorely missed here. The biggest problem with the film is the convoluted and confusing script. I really enjoy bizarre films, especially David Lynch's special brand of weird. His films give the impression that theres so much more going on just below the surface and if you look closely you'll figure it out. This film tries to explore our perceptions of reality and how they can be affected but instead just becomes confusing, and not in a fun way as in Lynch films. Here it just comes off as irritating and pretentious. In fact thats a pretty good description of the film.

Somehow the director took a simple schlocky film and turned it into pseudo noir that oozes pretension and disdain for the horror genre. It's almost as if the director felt he was above making a horror film and wanted to make something special but lacked the imagination and skill to do so.

Nudity-mild/medium

Gore - medium

Overall - 5/10

Rogue (2007) 8/10

When Wolf Creek the horror community was stunned. Here was this Australian torture film that outdid all of our efforts. It was beautiful and it was brutal. When i found out that director Greg Mclean was going to do a giant crocodile film next I was onboard immediately. Why the Weinsteins shelved this only to stick it out on dvd without so much as a commercial I'll never know. Greg Mclean has made another wonderful film, Alligator this is not.

Rogue is set in the Australian northern territory where few humans live. Enter the American travel writer and a band of tourists visiting a beautiful river filled with creatures. After invading a giant rogue crocodile's territory their boat is attacked and they have to seek refuge on a tiny tidal island. Now they must get off the island before the tide comes in and covers it in water. How will they escape the crocodile's fury?

The first 20 minutes of the film play like a love letter to Australia. Wonderful helicopter and macro shots show us a wonderful land teeming with unique life. Normally I hate movies that don't get down to business quickly but in this case the cinematography is just too beautiful to ignore. Once the action starts it doesn't let up. The acting is great as well as the directing and the script is actually interesting. I say actually because let's face it, when was the last giant animal on the loose movie actually good? The croc itself is very frightening and very believable. They used a mix of animatronics and cgi and the blend works miracles here. I was constantly surprised at how realistic the creature looked and moved. The animators obviously spent alot of time studying the movement of crocs because not once did the animation not ring true. This is coming from a guy that used to be obsessed with the Crocodile Hunter, may he rest in peace, and still watch animal planet all the time.

Rogue is a great animal on the loose film of the highest caliber. I can't recommend this enough. Its fun, fast paced, and believable. It doesn't reinvent the wheel but does an animal movie the way it should be done.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild

Overall - 8/10

Hell's Ground (2007) 7/10

These days anybody with a little bit of money can make a movie. Through the democritization of film due to the digital revolution anybody can be a director. Because of this we're seeing an explosion of foreign cinema, shot in native tongues with native stories. Through the proliferation of dvds and the internet, more and more U.S. distributors are taking chances on these films and finally bringing unique non-American cinema to our shores. I Love to see this. Hell's Ground is one of these films.

Hell's Ground is a Pakistani film about a group of teenagers out late trying to get to a concert. Along the way they are met with Zombies, crazy shamans, and a burqa wearing spike ball mace wielding serial killer. Now, the plot isn't exactly non-American, but the eye in which through the film was made is.

Hell's Ground shows us a view of Pakistan that we rarely get to see. Mostly we see protests and bombings, war and strife on the news. Never do we get to see the teenage life there. We don't see it as the locals see it. That alone is worth the price of admission for me. The film's moral tale is that children shouldn't lie to their parents, as all the characters have to do in order to get out of their homes to attend the concert. This is also very culture specific. The characters in the film are all pretty stereotypical, the jock, the stoner, the popular girl etc but they all have another dimension. Instead of playing those roles to the hilt throughout the film, each character grows and changes, having learned from their mistakes and transgressions. This is also a welcome difference from standard American fare. Its so nice to have character development that makes sense, even in a silly horror movie with a simple plot. There's even some pretty good gore and makeup effects throughout the film. The film is written, acted, and directed very well, especially given the country it was made in. The standard of living in Pakistan is pretty low and its hard to make films outside of the Pakistani film industry. The film is shot in digital video but it looks great, with wonderful post production coloring and editing, making the film fast paced and pleasant to look at.

Hell's Ground is a great foreign flick with a typical script but executed in an atypical way. I look forward to the director's future works. Check it out.

Nudity- none

Gore- mild/medium

Overall - 7/10

The Wizard of Gore (1970) 6/10

I'm sorry to say, but I don't like H.G. Lewis. Its a horror blasphemy I'm sure, but I've never liked his stuff. With The Wizard Of Gore my opinions weren't changed, but it is the best of his I've seen so far.

The Wizard Of Gore is about Montag the Magnificent a sadistic magician with a show that kills..literally! During his show he inflicts life ending wounds like a sword to the through, a drill to the stomach, a chainsaw attack and more but his hypnotized volunteers leave unscathed. When the hypnosis wears off, its another matter entirely however. A TV journalist finds out the truth and decides to try to reveal the grisly facts.

So like every other H.G. Lewis film I've ever seen the acting is terrible as are the compositions and the colors used. They are certainly low-budget films steeped in the times in which they are made. The gore here is plentiful, in fact i believe its the most I've seen from him, which is saying alot. The gore here is actually pretty damn good too. Sure its all red paint and pig guts but at times is pretty convincing. There's a cheesy aesthetic that works here better then in his other films and it was indeed more enjoyable then say, blood feast or 2,000 maniacs. That being said the film was still fairly slow and visually uninteresting.

The Wizard of Gore is pretty damn gory and lives up to its great name, but the viewer should expect crappy acting and terribly 70's colors and a very silly script.

Nudity-none

Gore-medium

Overall - 6/10

Brand Upon The Brain (2007) 4/10

Every now and then I like to watch bizarre cinema from around the world. The Criterion Collection is a pretty good source to check out weird stuff that has some meat to it. I figured Brand Upon The Brain, having been released by Criterion would be one such film. Nope.

Brand Upon The Brain is about a young man that is asked by his dying mother to paint her lighthouse one more time before she passes. Going back stirs up all sorts of long forgotten memories for the man and unlocks some mysteries from his past.

The film is shot in black and white and put together like a silent film from the turn of the last century. Beautifully rich textured visuals abound the film as well as a Terry Giliam-esque future punk aesthetic. The film is narrated by Isabella Rossolini and uses text slides as well. The problem isn't with any of these things, although the narration did get on my nerves after a while. The problem here is the editing. Every second, or less the frame changes. The shots are all shaky, lit strangely, out of focus, or any other number of "arty" touches that only make the film lack clarity. The fast paced editing was too much for me to take. Every time I saw something visually appealing, it was gone before I could let it soak in. There are some really strong visuals here but we're never given the chance to really see them. They're gone before we can blink, replaced by another strong image, and so on. In fact, since most of the images are stunning and powerful, they all lose power. Too much of a good thing and it becomes accepted and expected rather then appreciated. Its almost as if the director tried to cram in as much visual stimuli as possible, rather then let his compositions breathe. Because of this the film was impossible for me to watch. Its a damn shame too, theres some real talent behind the lens.

Brand Upon The Brain is a silent film with a hyper mediated and self aware editing style that doesn't mesh well. The editing is much too fast to enjoy anything thats going on onscreen and because of that the film wasn't enjoyable.

Overall -4/10

Alucarda (1975) 4/10

This one's gonna be quick because it wasn't worth a damn.

Alucarda is a spanish exploitation flick about two girls demonically possessed set in the 1600s. Sounds like it could be a winner right? Wrong.

Alucarda poorly directed and poorly acted. The budget is minuscule and so is the action. The description promised nudity, devil worship, and violence. Sure, there's one lame ass orgy scene that also counts as devil worship but the only violence in the film is at the very end and by then I just didn't care. Nothing in the film caught my attention. Not the script, not the acting, not the directing, not the cinematography, not the editing. Nothing. What can I say, the film bored the crap out of me and I fast forwarded through alot of it, hoping for something worth my time but found nothing.

Alucarda is crap. I've got nothing positive to say. I just didn't like it. Next.

Nudity-medium

Gore-mild

Overall - 4/10

The Butcher Boy (1997) 6/10

So i'm a fan of Rue-Morgue magazine. I've got a subscription and everything. They posted a list of 101 best horror films you haven't seen. See the list is for us horror fiends that have seen all the well known zombie flicks, slashers, and giallos. I've seen most of the 101 but there's about 20 or so that I haven't. The Butcher Boy is the first on the list i've decided to tackle.

The Butcher Boy is an Irish film set in Ireland during the 1960s. The main character is a little boy who's a bully and a ticking time bomb with an obsession with destroying his neighbors.

The film isn't really a horror film, at least not to me. Sure in the end theres a bit of killing but really its a dark drama. Its beautifully directed and well acted and does a great job of putting us into the time in which it was made. The fear of communism and nuclear war. The poverty of the people at the time. It captures all of it. It's pretty hard to watch at times though. The kid is a nasty bully that gets meaner and more sociopath as the film progresses. We see him abused by his parents and by his neighbors, sent to a reformatory catholic school where he's abused by a priest. The kid really never had a chance to be normal and i guess thats what we're supposed to come up with. Its kinda slow going as the film seems to meander and have no clear direction during many scenes in the film.

In the end the Butcher Boy is an interesting time capsule but not really worth spending time trying to seek it out. Check it out if you like very dark indie dramas.

Overall- 6/10

The Last Winter (2008) 5/10

It was bound to happen sometime. It started with the Happening and continues with The Last Winter. Given all the mis-information about the supposed global warming crisis, horror films reflecting the fear of melting ice-caps and the heating of the earth were inevitable. Let me make something clear, I don't believe in human created global warming. Period. That being said I love horror films that try to play on modern societal fears, even if i don't agree with the politics behind it. As long as their intelligent that is.

The Last Winter is set up in the arctic where an oil drilling company is scouting places to drill. An environmental impact advisor is with them, making sure they don't break any laws while also studying the tundra's changing climate. The ice is melting, releasing things that have been frozen for thousands of years. How will it effect the crew, and the world?

I was afraid that the drilling company employees were going to be portrayed as the devil and that the environmental impact employees were going to be portrayed as Jesus. Thankfully that wasn't the case. Sure the drilling people are rough but they're also portrayed as being fair and intelligent. The environmentalists also have their strengths and weaknesses. These are people, not political caricatures, and for that I'm thankful. The film is beautifully directed with wonderful cinematography that belies the tiny budget. The acting is pretty damn good with known actors like hellboy's Ron Pearlman. The pace is pretty fast and the script is engaging, up to a point that is. The problem with The Last Winter, is that we don't really know what's effecting the crew or how its effecting them. I don't even think the scriptwriter or director knows either. I get the feeling that instead of giving us something concrete they decided to let the audience fill in the gaps with whatever they want. I want something tangible or at least explainable. Is it a gas as is suggested? Is it microorganisms? What exactly is its effect? The film comes off as a super watered down version of The Thing because of it. We know the crew is freaking out, but they're all reacting differently. The buildup is great, but the pay off is weak. In fact they even decide to throw in some Inuit folklore at the end just to confuse things further, and stick in some laughably bad CGI effects to crap up the film further. Had the script been tighter and more focused, and had there been no CGI the film might have worked. I also have to mention the global warming soapboxing scene involving narration and stock footage. Aside from being preachy, misguided, uninformed, and irritating, it also took me right out of the film. It didn't seem to have a place in a movie that's already harping on global warming. Its almost as if the constant dialogue involving wasn't enough. They had to really shove more of it down our throats, because they must think we're idiots. Well, I'm not, and the soapboxing wasn't needed. I got the point.

In the end The Last Winter is a film that could have been great given the talent of the actors and director, because of the script, it wasn't.

Nudity-mild

Gore-mild

Overall - 5/10

Burnt Offerings (1976) 6/10

I really like haunted house stories and films. When I read that Burnt Offerings was just that, and stared Oliver Reed and Burgess Meredith, I knew I had to check it out.

Burnt Offerings is about a young family that finds a wonderful old house to rent. Its huge and its cheap and the only catch is that they must look after an old woman that lives upstairs in a room. Or is it?

Burnt Offerings is more of an old-school horror flick. There is nothing really concrete that we see. There are no ghosts or ghouls, no axe wielding crazy people. Its more about atmosphere and the influence a person's environment has on them. The mother becomes obsessed and possibly possessed with the house, the older Aunt begins to lose her mind and the father becomes more hostile and the little boy gets trapped in the house. If you ask me its just a supernatural allegory of the potential negative effects of family living. This makes perfect sense given the time in which it was made. In the late 1970's divorce sky rocketed after the no-fault divorce became legal in most states. Birth rates dropped dramatically as well. An anti-family movie was ripe for the making. Thankfully given its old-school style its not rubbed in your face and painfully obvious. The film is much more subtle then that. The scares as well are subtle, and to me, that made the film that much more creepy. The problem is that the film is about 2 hours long and the pace is pretty slow going. The film was shot in this odd soft focus style that was popular in that era as well and dates the film instantly. Good performances abound with the excellent cast, and saves the film from the 70's trash bin.

Burnt Offerings is an interesting film, but for those horror fans with patience and willingness to sit through a 2 hour film with no gore.

Nudity- none

Gore- none

Overall - 6/10

Doomsday (2008) 7/10

When Dog Soldiers came out, it was totally impressed by what Neil Marshall was able to do with a small budget and some great imagination. I was excited to see what he would do with his first bigger budget film, The Decent, and like most horror fans I was totally blown away. One of the scariest movies I've ever seen, and certainly the scariest I had seen in theatres. I was even more excited when his next film came out, Doomsday. But after the slew of bad reviews and poor box office performance, I opted to wait for the dvd. I wish I hadn't.

Doomsday is set in the near future when a virus breaks out in Scotland. The virus is akin to the plague and to stop it from spreading, a giant wall is built around Scotland. Fast forward 30 years and the plague has been found inside London. There are known survivors within Scotland so a crack team of special ops are sent to go inside, capture a survivor, and bring the specimen back so that an anti-virus can be made from their blood.

So the film has a bit of 28 Days Later, Aliens, Escape from New York, Gladiator (yeah knights on horses and epic castles), The Road Warrior, and The Road Warrior: Beyond Thunderdome. That doesn't leave much room for anything new or original. The film was nailed for the obvious homages and worship of cult films. Personally, I usually hate homage films. I don't like movies that crib ideas from better movies. Come up with your own shit, simple as that. With Doomsday though, its just too over the top and entertaining for me to hate it. The action is almost non-stop throughout and given the number of films it steals from, it really never gets boring. Once all the good ideas from beyond thunderdome get used up, its on to some sword and sandal knight fighting action. Once that gets old its on to the last chase scene in the road warrior, this time with a Bentley and so on. He took all the movies he loved, put em in a blender, made em gorier, made em faster paced and more extreme, slapped it all together, and called it Doomsday.

Let me make one thing clear, Doomsday is an awesome B-movie cheesefest of the highest degree. It is NOT an original film. Its nothing more then the cheesy b-movie ripoff fest it tries to be. The viewer must walk into Doomsday with the right expectations. This isn't high art. This isn't even believable. Its just over the top cheese at its most ridiculous.

Nudity-none

Gore - medium

Overall - 7/10

The Attic/ Crawlspace (1980) 6/10

I really love the double feature dvds that come out from anchor bay and midnight movies. Nothing better then two flicks for the price of one, especially when they're supposed to be two under appreciated gems. The Attic/ Crawlspace was one such release and in the case, i have to disagree.

The Attic is about a middle aged woman with an over bearing handicapped father that fantasizes about killing him. Crawlspace, staring Klaus Kinski, is about a creepy old man with a murderous past who runs an apartment building. There he spies on his tenants, all beautiful women.

So let me begin by saying that The Attic was crappy. Very slow moving with cheesy acting, mediocre direction and a predictable script. This one's a real snoozer. Crawlspace on the other hand was at least interesting. I'm all for atypical genre pictures and Crawlspace is pretty close to that. Horror flicks about murderous old guys are a dime a dozen but the voyeuristic old guy movie? Not quite as plentiful. Klaus plays the creepy old guy part very well and there's even a couple of decent gore scenes. That being said the film never really kicks into high gear. It stays in low gear throughout most of the film, the tension only intensifying at the very end and by then I didn't really care too much. The characters, besides Klaus, are poorly acted and poorly written. The film falls into many of the common tropes of the 80s horror flick and its really only Klaus who tries to pull it out.

So, The Attic was crap and Crawlspace tries to be unique but ultimately fails. Its still worth checking out for die hard horror fans but only for those who have already seen all the great horror films and are trying to dig a bit deeper and don't mind rough gems. On a side note, for you Neurosis fans out there, the band used samples from Crawlspace all over their Enemy of the Sun record. So i guess Crawlspace has at least one admirer.

Nudity-mild

Gore-mild

Overall - 6/10

The Grapes of Death (1978) 6/10

I've tried to watch a handful of Jean Rollin's special brand of french horror and I've never really "gotten it." I was recommended The Grapes of Death to help me get into his unique style. Although this is probably the best of his work I've seen i still don't "get it."

The Grapes of Death as one might imagine is about a small town special brew of wine that due to evil pesticides turns its consumers into the living dead. A young woman returns home to this small town but on her way only discovers death and carnage. How will she survive?

For me The Grapes of Death is just too damn slow. Sure its very "atmospheric" but i found it to be more tedious then anything The acting is atrocious but i expected that since it is a late 70s horror flick from the country's sole horror genre film maker. Jean helped keep the love of grue alive with slabs of sticky redstuff found throughout the film. Really the film does have great makeup effects for the time and once again considering no one else was doing this type of film in France at the time. The problem is there just isn't quite enough grue to call the film a true gore flick and not enough of anything else to find entertaining.

Perhaps I watched it at the wrong time, maybe i didn't have the right mindset. I don't know, all i can say is that if this is his best then perhaps he should be seen as pioneer and maverick rather then a true horror master.

Nudity-mild

Gore- medium

Overall - 6/10

Sleepaway Camp (1983) 6/10

The early 80's were a time for slasher flicks in the horror world, in particular, the camp slasher flick. From the slew of Friday the 13ths to The Burning and others the time was over saturated with these films. Sleepaway camp spawned several sequels itself. Its high time I checked out this lesser Friday ripoff.

As with every other camp oriented slasher, a group of kids go to camp for the summer and they start dropping like flies. The twist in the story her is that one of the kids suffered a terrible tragedy early in life. It seems that this camper's father and brother were both killed in a terrible boating accident leaving her terribly withdrawn.

Here is a film that doesn't do much to break the mold. Kids acting like jerks to each other, counselors sleeping around, and people dying left and right. The gore isn't very graphic and the acting is so-so as well as the direction. The film is no different then any other slasher flick from the era, that is until the ending. I will say this, the ending is worth the price of admission on its own. I won't give it away here but it is quite a doozy. If the ending hadn't been so, lets just say, unique, it wouldn't have garnered a second glance and certainly wouldn't have spawned two sequels. Check it out if you dig the genre and watch till the end, its worth it!

Nudity-mild

Gore-mild

Overall- 6/10

Alice (1988) 7/10

Ever wonder what Alice In Wonderland would look like through the eyes of a demented animator from the former eastern bloc country of the the Czech Republic? Alice is it.

Alice follows the exact tale of Alice in Wonderland so I don't think I need to give you a synopsis for this particular film.

Directed by Jan Svankmejer (lunacy, Little Otik) the film's star Alice is a real little girl but all the other characters were done in stop motion and are made up of strange toys found within her room. The film lacks any score and uses the real sound of skeletal jaws clicking and other creepy diagenic sounds. Each character is made of a perversion of real teeth, bones, human glass eyes, and plush toys given each a deathlike quality to it. Its almost like the meeting of a child's fantasy, the plush toy, and the harsh realities of life, the bones. The film was made during the soviet occupation of Czechoslovakia and has a dark oppressed feeling that permeates each frame. The film is short but works well. There is little to no dialogue and all of it is performed by the little girl. All of these creepy creatures have the voice of the same little girl, yeah it ups the strangeness factor quite a bit.

If you're a more adventurous film fan with a pretty good attention span, i recommend checking out this rare film.

Overall - 7/10

Steel Trap (2006) 6/10

Steel Trap is the latest in the Dimension Extreme films and yet again we find a film filled with mediocrity.

Steel Trap is about a group of b-list celebrities invited to an exclusive party in an abandoned building. Upon arriving they find that in order to get out they must solve puzzles, if they don't they die by the hands of a masked killer. Hmm sounds a bit like saw doesn't it?

Its no wonder that we're seeing Saw clones given how well the films do at the box office. In fact, I'm surprised that this is the first that's crossed my path. I do doubt it will be last however. The traps are mediocre as well as the kills, the acting, and the directing. I don't really know why this was picked up by Dimension other then just a quick buck. Check it out if you want more of the same from the Saw flicks.

Nudity- none
Gore-mild
Overall - 6/10

The Mist (2007) 3/10

The Mist is the newest film and newest Stephen King adaptation from director Frank Darabont. He also directed the amazing Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile, both King adaptations. When the original trailers came out, i thought, well that looks like crap. It got great reviews however so I finally decided to check it out. Looks like my first reaction was the correct one.

The Mist is about a small town overcome by a mysterious mist. Dangerous creatures dwell within the mist and a group of people take refuge in a local super market. Should they go or should they stay? How should they protect themselves? Who should lead? Why does this movie have to suck so bad?

The film is directed very well with a wonderful building of tension and suspense. I have no qualms there. The problem is with the terrible script. Our main hero is a local artist who makes his living painting movie posters. Not the local blue collar guys stuck in the grocery store, nor the military servicemen, nor the manager of the store, or any number of plausible leaders. See, in a crisis, usually artists don't fair too well. Their delicate sensibilities that allow them to be artists don't do well with huge life changing events. That was the first major strike in my mind and quite an elitist and implausible decision. Sure, the sensitive artist becomes the hero, not the guys who spend their whole lives leading other men. The sissy artist is the badass. Of course all the blue collar workers are portrayed as nothing more then ignorant bumpkins, meanwhile these are the guys that would have more then likely served in the military, where they would have dealt with huge life changing events on a daily basis. Hell we don't even see the military personnell until the third act where they can be blamed for the mist situation. So the military is an evil scapegoat huh? I guess King forgot about WWII as well as desert storm. Yet another elitist decision that brings the whole film down. Finally and most severely misrepresented are the Christians in the film. Nothing but superstitious, cruel, ignorant, monsters that do nothing but persecute members of the group. What a crock of shit. Yeah the Christians would be the one's who would be dealing with the situation best. Faith has a way of helping one deal with difficult situations. Of course its the atheistic artists that will always save the day. Not the hard working blue collar folks, not the hard working servicemen and women, and certainly not the faithful. The mist is nothing but an elitist liberal classist atheist piece of garbage. The CGI blows hard as well as the actual plot of the film. The choices and actions of the characters is totally unbelievable and offensive.

Shame on you Frank Darabont. Shame on you Stephen King.

Overall - 3/10

Trapped Ashes (2008) 6/10

I love anthology movies. Creepshow, Creepshow 2, Tales from the Dark Side etc. They were hugely popular in the horror flicks of yesteryear but these days they've become a rare breed. Trapped Ashes sets out to change that but does little to win the hearts and minds of its viewers.

Ken Russell, Sean s. Cunningham, Joe Dante, Monte Hellman, John Gaeta each direct a different story found within Trapped Ashes. The film is about a group of people on a studio backlot tour that get trapped in the set for an old horror movie. In order to get out they must tell the most terrifying story that truly happened to them. Stories include carnivorous breast implants, Japanese succubus, a nefarious tapeworm and more.

Ok so the plot is a bit silly but i was willing to go along with it since i do really like a few of the directors and the film also stars John Saxon so I was sold there too. The problem is that the film comes off as silly as the plot is. I really couldn't take it too seriously and found my self more laughably amused rather then gripped with suspense. The character's interactions are poorly written and unbelievable as well. Much like with the masters of horror series that style differences between the directors are compromised by having to use the same crew each time. So, it looks to me, as if it really could have been directed by one person rather then 5 different ones. That being said the look of the film is very smooth and vibrant. Striking colors and smooth editing are the order of the day and its refreshing to see that new films can still be made without the high paced reality tv style editing.

Check out Trapped Ashes if you dig any of the aforementioned directors, just don't expect a masterpiece.

Nudity - mild

Gore - mild

Overall - 6/10

Outpost (2007) 7/10

Outpost is one of those great horror flicks that somehow slips through the cracks, even within the hardcore horror community. It is my duty to tell the world about great and not so great obscure horror flicks. Ready for duty SIR!

Outpost is about a group of mercenaries hired to find a lost Nazi bunker and recover an unknown doomsday weapon for a clandestine unit. Upon arriving they find that the doomsday machine is no machine at all. Instead its a unit of unstoppable invincible Nazi soldiers still waiting for battle. Crazy forgotten Nazi experiments gone wrong? I'm sold.

Beautifully directed and filled with wonderful cinematography, Outpost visually stands head and shoulders above most indie horror flicks out there. The pacing is fast and the action is big. Theres's some great gore sprinkled throughout as well as some nazi ghost freakouts but by and large the film is more akin to 70s era nazisploitation films, which is fine with me. Having said that the film feels fresh and new and in no way an homage flicks that have polluted our great genre. Old school idea, with new school sensibility.

Outpost is certainly worth checking out, especially if nazi vs good guys films are your thing. Recommended.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild/medium

Overall - 7/10

Ms. 45 (1981) 6/10

I'm not a fan of Abel Ferrara. I didn't like the driller killer and i hated bad lieutenant. I picked up Ms.45 hoping my opinion might change. It did...a little.

Ms.45 is, you guessed it, set in New York. A young mute girl who works as a seamstress is brutally raped twice on her way home. Her second assailant, she kills and takes his gun, a .45. From this moment on she fears all men and kills any who get to close. Soon she becomes the predator and she prowls the streets looking for men to kill.

The film is very low budget but works very well. It doesn't need to have huge production values. Its about the gritty streets of New York and accomplishes that terrifically. The fact that the main character can't talk, for me, slowed the picture down, even thought it has a very short run time. The film is the height of nihilistic film making, which was hugely popular in the late 70s and early 80s. Nothing good happens. The character kills for the sake of killing, shooting good men and bad. There is no happy ending or plucky detective hot on her trail. Just senseless slaughter. Check it out if that sounds like you're style.

Nudity-none

Gore-mild/medium

Overall - 6/10

American Zombie (2007) -5/10

Over the years the Zombie genre has become so oversaturated that film makers are going to great lenghts to "reinvent" the genre or show it in a totally new light. American Zombie tries so hard to do that, but fails....miserably.

American Zombie tries to blend the zombie genre with mockumentary with "hilarious" results. Instead they get "tediously boring" results. Let me begin by saying that i don't like mockumentaries in general, so understand that before reading on. Its the easiest genre to make. It doesn't take the writing or preparation of a narrative film nor the investigative, you've-got-one-chance-to -get-it documentary difficulties. Nope, a film maker can just "be funny" and have his actors improv the whole movie. Doesn't matter if looks like crap because its supposed to be mocking documentary form. So like i said, no skill. American Zombie's film makers have less then no skill. They have negative skill. Someone that's never made a movie ever would get a better rating for their movie that doesn't exist, then these guy's movie that does exist. The film is set in the near future when zombies rise up and try to be a functioning part of our society. A documentary crew sets out to interview zombies and get the "real" perspective on who zombies really are.

The problem is that NOTHING HAPPENS. its terribly boring. The whole movie is "commenting" on our societal views on minorites and gays but instead comes off as just simply being repellent. The film makers here obviously have no respect for anyone that lives a "normal" life. They constantly make fun of the zombies that are just trying to live decent lives and insteand glorify the douchebag zombies. It seems that the people that made this pretty much hate everyone, everyone but themselves that is. What an arrogant piece of crap this is. Never once did i laugh, or even smile. The film portrays the nice zombies as losers and the fighters for zombie rights as fanatical and silly. The documentary film makers actually play the biggest parts in the movie, a movie about ZOMBIES! Why the film makers take center stage i'll never know. They're portrayed as "funny" but actually come off as nothing less then compassionless jerks, which is exactly who made this film. Compassionless jerks that hate everyone that isn't them. Screw this movie.

Nudity-none

Gore- none

Overall - -5/10

The Ruins (2007) 4/10

The Ruins is one of those theatrically released horror flicks that got luke warm reviews when it originally came out, so i opted for renting it instead. I'm glad i did. Paying for it would have ruined my night.

The Ruins is about a group of totally irritating and unbelievable 20 somethings hanging out, partying in Mexico. They get invited to check out a recently discovered pyramid so of course they check it out. Upon arriving they're confronted by some gun toting locals that won't allow them to leave the pyramid. The reason? Carnivorous plants that protect the pyramid of course.

So I have to say that the characters in this film, in particular one girl, are horribly written. Why the hell do i want to sit through 90 minutes of whining, complaining, and macho dumbassery? To put it bluntly, I'd rather slam my nuts in a door jamb then be forced to watch another pouty annoying girlfriend scene that are so prevalent in this film. I was rooting for the plant to rid me of the annoying characters found herein. That's a very bad sign. Beyond that the cgi effects of the plants are really poorly done as well. It's hard to be scared by something that would have been laughable in TRON. The plot is ludicrous as well. The plants adapt and learn how to mimic sounds to lure its victims. its a cool idea but it isn't executed very well here. One thing I will say however, is that the gore effects are pretty damn good here.

My guess is that in about 10 years The Ruins will be a great b-movie, so-bad-its-good fest. Right now, its just bad.

Nudity- mild

Gore- medium

Overall - 4/10