Right At Your Door (2007) 4/10

So I love nuclear radiation/toxic wast/biochemical nightmare films. In this day and age I feel they have a rightful place in film history and can affectively comment on real life societal fears and can truly elevate the horror/sci-fi genre. Right At Your Door does none of these things.

A dirty bomb has gone off in L.A. killing thousands and trapping residents in their homes, unable to leave for fear of contamination. A man is separated from his wife and is stuck in doors while she must remain outside so she doesn't contaminate him. A repairman is also stuck in the home away from his wife.

The film has a pretty good premise but the conflict plays a single note throughout. Husband stuck inside, wife stuck outside. The end. No other major conflict occurs and we spend most of the film sitting around the house with the main character. Hey, I could do that without watching a movie. We're supposed to fear the government but nothing has really shown us that the government are the bad guys. We just know these two are paranoid, so I guess we should be too? I felt that the motivations of the characters were unrealistic as well as boring. The people are jerks and I didn't like watching them for 90 minutes.

The film failed in its goal. I didn't feel scared for the characters because i felt their actions and motivations to be unrealistic and unbelievable, but mostly, unlikeable. The conflict never changes or intensifies. It plays a single note throughout, a note that sounds like a flatline. Snoozer.

Overall - 4/10

The Deadly Spawn (1983) 6/10

I love the box art on The Deadly Spawn. I dig cheezy alien monster movies, especially from the 80's. This one's right up my alley.

The Deadly Spawn finds a small town as the site of a meteor crash. Inside the meteor hides a wormlike alien hell bent on devouring anything it comes across, including humans. Enter a nice family staying in a house nearby thats found under attack by these creatures from outerspace.

What really appeals to me in this film is the interaction between the characters. I really believe that these people are really related and are part of a loving family unit. Sure the two sons fight constantly but the rest of the family gets along very well. To put it simply, I can feel the love. Because I can feel the love I actually care about the characters. This makes this low budget monster flick much more engaging and worthwhile for me.

There is some gore but the budget didn't really permit too much as it was obviously spent on the numerous little worm aliens and one huge multi mouthed alien seen on the cover of the box. The acting is good enough for the film to be engaging and the pacing is great. The film wasted no time getting around to the carnage which also elevates the film beyond the dysmal crap fest it could have been given the budget.

Overall the film is fun, and somewhat inventive. The characters are believable and engaging and the monsters don't look too bad either. Make no mistake though, this is an early 80's cheapy with a sub par transfer so don't expect gold, settle for bronze.

Gore - mild-medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) 7/10

Assault on Precinct 13 is yet another one of those films I've always wanted to see but never got around to seeing. Finally this pre-Halloween John Carpenter film crossed my path and it's about damn time.

Assault on Precinct 13 is about a vicious gang hot on the trail of a man that has taken refuge in an old police station thats in the process of moving. Because of the move there's only a few officers there and through coincidence a few prisoners staying the night while enroute to a new prison. Now the station is under attack by dozens of members of the gang.

The premise sounds a bit convoluted but honestly it works pretty well. What you get is a man's last stand against crime and inhumanity. The gang is made up of young tuffs from mulitple races and the men left in the police station are as well. The race card is never played, however, which seems like an obvious mark to hit. I respect the film more for shying away from it though. It makes the drama seem more realistic. In the face of great adversity we are all equal. Anyway the film has some great shoot outs and plenty of tension. The film is very Carpenter-esque with plenty of cool one liners, tough guys, and a simple but effective score created by the man himself.

In the end Assault is a welcome additon to John Carpenter's Cannon, and although it is not his finest hour, it is far from his worst (I'm lookin at you Ghosts of Mars).

Overall - 7/10

Coffy (1973) 8/10

I'm ashamed to say it, but this is the first Blaxploitation film I've ever seen. I know, I know being such a cult film fan I've seen nunsploitation, tons of kung fu, sexploitation, nazisploitation, but never blaxploitation. I don't know why really, I guess I always thought i'd get around to it. Well, today is the day.

Coffy Stars Pam Grier in her first leading role. She plays Coffy (obviously), and she's a doctor by day and an ass kicker by night. When her little sister gets hooked on smack she decides to get justice, vigilante style. She gets inside the local drug syndicate posing as a prostitute, and brings them down from within. Awesome.

I'm totally impressed by this movie. In the first ten minutes Coffy has already blown a guy's head off with a sawed off shot gun and given a junkie a lethal dose of junk. At that point I was already sold. The film goes on to keep up the violent pace with nudity and sex and explicit profanity sprinkled througout. Back in '73 it wasn't common for any film to have strong language so the actors scream their four letters, feeling liberated each time the foulness spills forth.

All in all the film is fast paced, (especially for being almost 35 years old!) violent, and fun. I feel like i'm the last guy on earth to see this, but if you haven't check it out yet, make it a priority...fool.

Gore - Surprisingly, some
Nudity- some, and yes you get to see pam grier
Overall - 8/10 SUCKA!

Die You Zombie Bastards! (2005) 4/10

Die You Zombie Bastards! Is a micro-budget silly fest that wears thin...quickly.

So the premise is totally ridiculous which matches the bizzare film perfectly. Two married cannibals are eating in a park one day when a super power evil alien villan spots the wife. He falls in love and decides to steal her. With his zombie gun he creates a few thugs and does indeed kidnap the woman. It's up to the husband to save her and dressed as a very silly super hero he sets out on a wacky journey frought with danger.

The problem is the movie is too damn silly for it's own good. The acting is atroucious and it's almost as if they're daring the audience to keep watching. The budget is non existant which usually is fine but they flagrantly display the fact that there's no money. This makes the film seem overly cheap and cheesy which of course the filmmakers are going for but they go over the line with this one.

In the end the film feels like a group of friends go together one weekend and shot a "funny" movie in their back yard instead of trying to put together a well thought out campy flick. Another note of interest is the sound track. Somehow they managed to get ligitamate rockabilly bands to provide music for much of the sound track, how they did this is anyone's guess but i bet there's some pissed off bands out there wishing they hadn't said yes.

Gore - medium (beyond fake though)

Nudity - lots of fake penis', don't know if that counts

Overall - 4/10

Revenge Of The Living Dead Girls (1987) 5/10

This odd little eurosleaze flick from France is a strange one indeed.

Revenge Of The Living Dead Girls is about an evil chemical company attacked by a environmental terriorst group that sabatages a milk truck with one of the chemicals produced by the company. The chemical was just supposed to make people sick, causing alarm and outrage at the company for producing it, but instead it kills three young girls. The company finds out and tries to dump the chemical to hide it but the man paid to do the deed pours the chemical at the cemetary where the girls are buried. They come back from the dead of course and seek their revenge against the terrorists as well as the company itself.

The girls themselves are more akin to ghosts then zombies. They only rise during the night when the chemical is poured, work together intellegently and kill the people responsible for their deaths.

The film is fairly gory though not convincingly. The film includes a bit of necrophilia, castration by zombie girl mouth, lesbian zombie action (including zombie nudity), and some general nudity thrown in.

Not really a good flick but certainly a strange addition to the rather large zombie film cannon. Check it out if you're a zombie buff or a eurosleaze fan.

Gore - medium
Nudity - Some
Overall - 5/10

The Last Horror Movie (2004) 5/10

I decided to check out The Last Horror Movie since it was released by Fangoria, and the movies they release are generally pretty good. This one is too, but with a catch.

The film suggests that the events shown are real. Supposedly you rented a crappy horror movie and a stranger has recorded over it showing his serial killing exploits that are presented as real. Pretty cool idea, but, it's been done.

The film itself is well made, shot on digital but given the subject matter it works in the film's favor, giving it a more realistic feel. The problem is this exact idea was already done in 1992 by a belgium director called, Man Bites Dog. That film also follows a serial killer and is shot in a documentary style. Man Bites Dog is much more convincing and repulsive then The Last Horror Movie and you can take that for what you want.

The difference? Man Bites Dog was somewhat of a Black Comedy commenting on societies voyeristic tendencies. The Last Horror Movie drops the black comedy aspect and goes for a more philosophical approach as the killer constantly asks the audience questions regarding the morality of himself as well as the audience.

In the end I couldn't overlook the fact that the idea was lifted directly from a more popular and brutal film. I can't recommend it because of this fact, hence the 5/10. You make the call. It's well done and well concieved, nicely paced at just over 70 minutes but it felt like a copy to me.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 5/10

Death Sentence (2007) 3/10

Death Sentence is the first feature directed by James Wan since his breakthrough hit debut SAW, a better title would have been SUCK.

Death Sentence starring Kevin Bacon is about a man whose son is killed by a vicious gang so he decides to seek vengence. This of course brings the whole gang down on him creating a total war between one man and a gang of brutes.

So the premise isn't new but honestly I didn't care. I really enjoyed saw and I like Kevin Bacon so I had hopes that this would at least be entertaining. My hopes were killed almost immediatly. I knew this film wouldn't be high art. I was expecting action packed crap. All I really got was crap.

The problem? Well the action is pretty decent, there just isn't much of it. Theres unnessecary expository dialogue and screen time devoted to unimportant characters, namely John Goodman who plays a crime boss and gun dealer. The acting is terrible, esecially from the gang members and too much time is devoted to them. I just wanted to fast forward through their inane dialogue and skip to the action. The gang members themselves are an unbelievable movie stereotype as well. They drive souped up muscle cars and all have tribal tattoos and hang out in shitty bars. No real criminal activity is shown, just them plotting to kill Kevin Bacon. BORRRRING.

This one runs at just shy of 2 hours and should have only been 90 at the absolute max. A more restricted narrative would have been much more enjoyable here. AVOID AT ALL COST.

Overall - 3/10

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) 8/10

Of all the films I watched during my formative years Henry stands out as the darkest and most disturbing. I picked it up some time in my early teens out of curiosity but at the time couldn't stomach the realistic carnage. I decided to re-visit the film to see if it really was as bad as I remembered.

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is a film with quite a reputation. It's about a killer that kills for no reason, with no motive, with no profile. He's just a killer through and through. No one is chasing him. No detective hot on his trail. Nope, he just kills and kills. More the that he's not a complete monster. He does have some sense of moral decency and a code of honor as well. For a guy that habitually kills men but women especially, he does have a sense of chivalry. An indiscriminate killer is repulsive enough without him also having admirable attributes. Henry is the main character which is also repugnant for most viewers. Henry lives with Otis a man he met in jail. Henry begins to share with Otis his knowledge of killing, how to do it, and how to not get caught. The film reads as a how to in mass murder. We are not shown the error of his ways, nor do we ever really discover a definitive reason as to why he kills. We learn of a possibly dysfunctional past but even that might be smoke and mirrors for a man with so many kills and stories he may not even know the truth.

So, to put it plainly the film is disturbing. The film is repulsive. The film is...good. The film is carefully written and directed to get the maximum amount of information and impact in the shortest time possible. The film only runs at 82 minutes which by the end feels like a perfect run time. I certainly didn't want any more and nothing could be removed without taking away something vital to the development or exposition of the characters.

And to put bluntly, Henry is a sick fuck. Interestingly Otis is too of course but in a different way. He's a sexual monster. Willing to have sex with anyone, male or female, living, or dead, blood relative or not. He's a killer just like Henry but gets a sexual thrill from it that Henry does not. Henry kills because he's drawn to kill, Otis goes with Henry to kill for fun. Henry has no remorse for his deeds and feels justified in his actions, Otis has no remorse as well but revels in the kill. These distinctions are shown throughout the film asking the audience, not if these guys are monsters, but who is the bigger monster.

The film was not made for exploitative abhorrence nor was it made to simply shock the audience. The film was made so that we could see evil and eviler. Just because we are not as bad as those we spend time with, it does not mean we are not bad ourselves. The film was meant for us to analyze our own role in evil doings and how we compare them to our companions. Because Henry is a serial killer, but Otis is a whole different kind of killer. Which is worse? Who's to say. So, who's worse you, or your friends? Are you just as evil as they but perhaps different?

Here is a imperfect film that deserves a careful eye and contemplative mind to truly understand the intent. Without that the viewer may just write it off as a sensational repulsive film meant for corrupted minds. What this is is a warning to all of us to be mindful of the evil we may or may not create.

Gore - medium to high
Nudity - some
Overall - 8/10

The Lookout (2007) 7/10

The Lookout was on plenty of top ten of 2007 lists, and although it's good it's not top ten good.

The Lookout is about a young man with severe mental damage received in a car accident that was his fault. Fast forward a few years and he's barely surviving as a janitor at a bank living off of money given to him by his rich parents. He meets a confident popular man at a bar and becomes friends. Little does he know the man has hand picked him to be involved in a bank heist, planned for his bank.

The film has a great cast including Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Brick) and Jeff Daniels (Squid and the Whale, Dumb and Dumber) among others. Honestly Jeff Daniels does an amazing job playing the young man's blind friend. I'd really like to see a film starring that character. The main character's mental affliction is unique and helps set the film apart from any other heist gone wrong films but not really enough. There isn't anything new in the film although the film does what it sets out to perfectly. The film is solidly written, acted and directed but there's nothing that really makes it stand out either.

In the end The Lookout is a well constructed nicely paced well acted film, but lacks anything to make it stand out amongst other similarly themed films.

Overall - 7/10

Joshua (2007) 4/10

Joshua is a dark indie chiller released in limited art house theatres last year, and there's a good reason this wasn't widely seen.

Joshua is about a dysfunctional rich family in NYC that gives birth to a new baby little girl. But their son Joshua is jealous of the girl. Omen-esque creepy kid events follow.

Here's the thing. The film tries to keep the audience somewhat confused as to whether or not Joshua is actually a bad kid doing terrible things or if its possibly the mother or possibly the father. The problem is too much is revealed too soon and the audience already knows that Joshua is the culprit. So instead of being left in the dark along with the father (who ends up being the main character eventually), we know too much. Because of this most of the tension is out of the film before it really gets going. The audience then is just watching as events unfold, knowing exactly who the culprit is though not really knowing why, and not really caring.

The mother has severe post partum depression ,making her a monster, so honestly we don't really care how she gets messed with. The film is also highly anti-religious which also leaves a bad taste in this reviewers mouth. Leave your personal beliefs at home thank you, unless the film is specifically examining religion. Otherwise it comes off as a cheap shot and unnecessary to the plot. Filler is a good word for it.

In the end I just really didn't care about the characters or their motivations. A lackluster film with lots of potential that gets destroyed by a poorly structured script. Remember kids, leave your audience in the dark along with one main character and they will be much more interested and invested in that character. If we know too much, we care too little.

Overall - 4/10

The Being (1983) 7/10

The 80s were a great time for horror films. Gorefests, slasher, mutants, monsters, ghosts, and of course the fear of nuclear power reactionary horror film. The 80's wouldn't have been complete without films like The Toxic Avenger, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Class of Nuke 'Em High. The Being fits right along with them.

The Being is about a small town nestled next to a nuclear power plant. The plant is dumping waste into the drinking water and of course a mutant creature hell bent on homicide is created. The film features Martin Landau as the evil plant owner. I'm guessing '83 must have been a bad year for the academy award winning actor.

The film moves very quickly with plenty of kills and funny one liners. There's some well done gore and the monster doesn't look half bad either. The acting is terrible but that just comes with the territory. The film "borrows" from The Thing and Alien pretty liberally, especially in the end which heightens the great cheesy feel.

This one's so bad its good.

Gore - medium
Nudity - mild
Overall - 7/10

Rescue Dawn (2007) 8/10

Rescue Dawn is another film starring Christan Bale that slipped through the cracks, and shouldn't have.

The film, directed by Werner Herzog, stars Bale as a navy pilot shot down during a top secret mission in Vietnam in 1965. He is captured and put into a POW camp where he meets other pow's and plans an escape.

The film wastes no time setting up the plot, within the first 12 minutes Bale is already on the ground running from the VC. Within 30 he's imprisoned. The film moves at a quick pace and is thoroughly engaging as we get to know each character and understand the savagery the men have to endure. For a film that's 2+hours long, that's quite a statement.

For a war film there is relatively little violence, the film actually received a PG-13 rating. The emphasis is more on the prisoners themselves and how they can escape rather then focusing on the torture itself. The film also sidesteps the obvious political agenda that could have been thrust upon the audience. The whole film tries to be as historically accurate as possible, the story being based on a true event, and never treads into preachy pro or anti war agendas. This is simply a very well told survival tale that takes place during a war.

I highly recommend Rescue Dawn to any war film fan as this does not tread on waters already traveled by other films. The film has a reason to exist and does not borrow from any more popular war movies. Check it out.

Overall - 8/10

Shoot Em Up (2007) 6/10

Shoot Em Up, the high action action film that fled theatres. Now I know why.

Shoot Em Up is about an unknown man protecting a baby from thugs that want to kill it. That about sums it up. The film is thin on plot but thick on action and that's just what the creators wanted.

The film is filled is ridiculous stunts and shoot outs, cheesy one liners and two deaths involving a carrot. The film is aware of its own ridiculous cartoonish nature and feels silly because of it. The creators wanted to make a film that hearkened back to the 80s super action blockbusters but fails. Why? The films in the 80s were mostly made to be serious and lack any self awareness of the ridiculousness of their plots. The one liners were supposed to be cool but of course were funny but that's what made them great. A person knowingly acting stupid is just irritating, a person unknowingly acting stupid is usually funny and entertaining. This is the chief reason these semi-serious action flicks rarely work.

The question is, does shoot em up work? The film is indeed ridiculous and over the top but the plot wears a bit too thin and the action is too silly at times. Overall it is an enjoyable film but not for repeat viewings. Once is enough, and almost too much.

Gore - some
Nudity - some
Overall - 6/10