One Dark Night (1981) 5/10

One Dark Night was directed by Tom McLoughlin who also directed Friday The 13th Part VI so I figured I had a winner on my hands. I was wrong.

One Dark Night is about a psychic vampire that dies and is buried in a mausoleum. After his burial a high school girl is dared to spend the night there as an initiation right to become a sister in a high school social click. The members of the click plan to scare the girl and end up being scared themselves by the psychic vampire that comes back from the grave!

The problem? We spend most of the film setting up the last fifteen minutes. This makes the film mildly entertaining but not particularly scary. The next problem? The only death in the film is in the climax when the psychic dies, but he was already dead in the first place so it doesn't even really count. That being said the film is somewhat entertaining and paced fairly well considering the circumstances but ultimately fails at being even a little bit creepy. Middle of the road at best.

Gore - very mild
Nudity - none
Overall - 5/10

Stardust (2007) 7/10

I was really on the fence about seeing Stardust. The cast seemed odd for the subject matter and the trailers were unconvincing. I dig fantasy films but many lately come off as childish, mundane, and unimaginative. Stardust however was quite fun and unique.

Stardust is about a boy trying to impress a girl and finds love right under his nose. Forget the fantasy stuff, its really a mushy love story wearing the fantasy as a means to an end. A young man sets out on a quest to capture a fallen star to impress his love and stumbles upon another world with magic, witches, and apparently easy women. He finds the fallen star alright but once reaching the earth the star turned human and has around her neck an amulet wanted by a prince so that he may be king. The heart of the star is wanted by an evil witch as well. Everyone wants a piece of the poor star and the you boy is no exception. Danger and chase sequences ensue as the young couple try to reach the boy's home. Along the way they meet eccentric characters, including a character played by Robert DeNiro that crushes his tough guy persona he spent decades honing.

At the end of the day the film was pushing 2 hours and kept me entertained throughout. Is it a modern classic? Nope, but it was fun and with a silly romantic comedy/fantasy film isn't that enough?

Overall - 7/10

Equilibrium (2002) 7/10

Equilibrium is yet another entry in Christian Bale's film canon that was either direct to dvd or limited theatrical release that many of us slept on, and shouldn't have.

Equilibrium was released direct to dvd in 2002 amongst the Matrix explosion and fanaticism. Because of this fervor and the similar themes and action both films share, I believe the film was green lighted but when produced the distributor probably guessed it would die at the box office for the same reasons it was green lighted in the first place.

This particular vision of the future sees the human race controlled by a pharmaceutical substance that removes our emotions. Because of this lack of emotional awareness there is no violence, hatred, war, but there is also no love or joy. Christian Bale plays an enforcer of this rule, employed to destroy all resistance to the new rule, including burning books and any work of art as well as killing any dissenters. He misses a dose of the anti-emotion drug and starts to feel and realizes he has been wrong all along and fights alongside the resistance.

The film has similar themes, though handled differently as well as highly choreographed fight scenes, once again handled differently. Having given the film five years to view it after it's initial release allows me to objectively view the film, rather then directly compare it to The Matrix. My verdict? Pretty dang good. I personally appreciate any Orwellian sci-fi references because I personally believe that big government totalitarianism spells doom for freedom of expression. Equilibrium is right up my alley. My only complaint is that some of the action sequences are sloppily choreographed which makes them seem comical rather then dramatic or fun. I could have done completely without the action in fact and I believe the film would have stood up better.

In the end the film's biggest downfall is being released at the wrong time. This film would have been a huge hit today and any Matrix comparisons would be just plain silly.

Overall - 7/10

Nosferatu: The Vampyre (1979) 4/10

The 1979 Werner Herzog Version of Nosferatu has the unique distinction of being shot simultaneously in German and in English. I watched the English version, and I bet the German version is just as boring.

In 1979 Werner Herzog decided to remake the silent classic Nosferatu. I guess he also decided to take out all of the tension and replace it with a painfully slowly paced film. I really wanted this to be good. I was so excited to get my hands on it and what i got was disappointment. The film is filled with long slow shots of someone traveling, somewhere. Over and over. Beyond that there is practically no footage of any vampirism. Instead the camera turns or the scene is cut short before we actually get to see Dracula bite anyone. These things coupled with a severe lack of musical accompaniment creates a slow action less dull film. Sorry Mr. Herzog this ones a snoozer. I consider myself an adventurous and patient film goer. I rarely turn off any film before it's run time is complete and I do watch quite a bit of foreign and experimental films but this one was beyond my attention span. ZZZZZZ all the way.

Overall 4/10

Hatchet (2007) 6/10

Hatchet is an indie darling being triumphed by horror mags and fans alike. The return to the American slasher its being called. The saviour of horror. Nope, not even close.

Hatchet is a killer in the woods flick that would have fit right in back in '81 amongst such films as the original Friday the 13th and The Burning, Don't Go Into The Woods, etc. A group of tourists go on a tour down a forbidden swamp protected by local ghost/legend/killer Victor Crowley. Of course their boat sinks and they are hunted by Victor throughout the rest of the picture.

The problem? It isn't 1981 anymore. Hell I like all those old slashers as much as the next guy but in today's film we all look for a bit more meat on the bone. There's been a slew of re-makes, updates, sequels, and homage films lately and this is just another to add to the pile. There is nothing that makes this film standout from any other generic horror flick to come down the pipe in the past few years. To its credit, there is alot of gore and nudity but by the end I just didn't care. The film is populated by terrible characters that I really didn't care about so any ability for the film to scare me was out the window. The story was threadbare as well so there goes any ability for the film to entertain. Victor Crowley himself looked a bit cheap with very poorly done prosthetics which just made him seem silly, even if it was Kane Hodder (Jason Vorhees) playing him. After all the hype found in Fangoria, Rue Morgue etc I was really expecting a genre standout but what I got was just another uninspired horror film. Homage films are great but they need a degree of improvement and innovation to make them really shine, otherwise why would I bother watching this when I could watch the original films being paid tribute to? Beyond that the script was clumsy and the editing was poorly paced. The opening sequence is terribly put together and it really shows the audience the snoozer about to unfold.

In the end if you can turn off your mind and just enjoy the gore and never mind the hype around Hatchet I believe the viewer will dig it. Having said that I went into the film with high expectations that were never met.

Gore - High
Nudity - Medium
Overall - 6/10

District B-13 (2004) 3/10

I had heard that District B-13 was a spectacular action fest with tons of great stunts and those crazy "free style walking" guys. Man was I disappointed.

District B-13 is french film and was co-written by Luc Besson (The Professional, La Femme Nikita). Its set in the near future in France where gangs have taken over "districts" of the country. Police don't set foot and crime abounds. Until now. Enter an undercover cop and a local fighting to save the day and take out the bad guy. Same old story. Nothing new.

Personally it's hard to take french guys dressed as American gang members, and not your typical blood/crypt gang members. More like brightly clothed douche bags that hang out at the mall and drive shitty rice burners. Not exactly intimidating. The action, pretty good but the idiocy of the acting, characters, storyline, wardrobe, pretty much everything else in the film makes this little crap fest unbearable to watch. I felt insulted and I walked in expecting little. Back off France, we're still the action kings. Just keep pumping out great horror flicks and we'll all be much happier.

Overall - 3/10

Friday the 13th Part VIII (1989) 6/10

I always remembered Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan as a big pile of crap. It was one of the few Friday's I had seen as child and was not impressed. This time around I feel different...somewhat.

So Jason is awakened at the bottom of camp crystal lake again but this time there's a boat in the lake that's heading out to sea for a senior trip to New York. Now I may be mistaken but isn't one of the most important factors in labeling a body of water a lake that it is a solitary body of water? Otherwise wouldn't it be a river? Anyway Jason goes and kills the kids and chases the survivors into the streets of New York.

Different location, same game. Slaughter aplenty with some very original kills to boot. Who would have thought of killing someone with a steam rock found in a sauna? Jason, that's who. In the end Friday VIII isn't as bad as some claim and ain't that great. Its no part 6 but it isn't a part 5 either.

Nudity - none
Gore - medium
Overall 6/10

The Thing From Another World (1951) 7/10

The Thing (1982) could possibly be my favorite horror film of all time. I saw it as a kid on T.V tons of times and it never gets old for me. It wasn't until years later that I learned that The Thing is a remake of The Thing From Another World.

The Thing From Another world is about a group of Airforce servicemen stationed in the Arctic circle that find a space ship frozen in the ice. They exhume an alien body from the ground and bring it back to their base to examine the creature. The problem? It's still alive and wants to kill all of them.

Pretty similar to the Carpenter classic right? Well this one doesn't change shape, in fact its made of plant matter and exsanguinates its victims. Each part of the creature can spawn more creatures with just a bit of blood. Having said that this was made in '51 so there's really no blood in the film. Honestly though it doesn't need it. The film moves at a very quick pace and is filled with likable characters, though perhaps too many characters overall.

The Thing From Another World is a great film for The Thing addicts looking for where it all started, as well as for the lover of classic sci-fi cinema.

Overall 7/10

The Wicker Man (1973) 6/10

The Wicker Man is one of those movies I always planned to watch but never did. Once the re-make came out I figured it was high time for me to check it out. Well now that the re-make has come gone, and supposedly sucked I've finally gotten around to seeing it. The results? Lukewarm.

The Wicker Man is about a police officer investigating the disappearance of a little girl on a rural island off the coast of Scotland. He finds the island inhabited by pagans, penis worshipping pagans no less. The officer is a devout Christian in a land of mysterious heathens. Can you smell the conflict? The head pagan is played by Christopher Lee and as we all know, Christopher Lee is the best bad guy ever. But even with that credit the film still suffers from being so painfully 70s.

The film has many musical interludes of crazy hippy music and it really hasn't aged well. Overall the film succeeds in being interesting but never achieved scares from this viewer. In the end the main character is trapped in a huge figure made of wicker, hence the title. And as a friend of mine noted, What the hell? He's a full grown man trapped by wicker. Ever heard of punching or kicking? I mean being trapped by an overgrown wicker basket, that's just pathetic.

Gore - mild
Nudity - some, but they're hippies so it doesn't really count.
Overall - 6/10

Salon Kitty (1976) 7/10

Ahh Salon Kitty. Directed by the infamous Tinto Brass (Caligula), for many, the film falls into the dubious category of nazisplotation films, sitting side by side with Ilsa She Wolf of the SS and SS Hell Camp among others. Personally, I don't think so.

Salon Kitty tells the tale of a power hungry Nazi commander ordered to start a brothel for high ranking Nazi officials. He does what he is told as any Nazi would do and takes over Madam Kitty's "Salon," or whore house. He decides to place recording devices in every room and fill the brothel with unflinchingly loyal national socialist girls. His plan? Use the loyal women to report on everything they hear from the officials, to use as blackmail. Of course once one particularly loyal girl discovers this, she hatches a plan to over throw the commander.

What we have here is a truly good film hiding inside a grindhouse exploitation flick. Does it have nudity? TONS. Does it have depravity and disgusting sexual behaviour? Certainly. But it also has a great deal of commentary on love and lust as well as state loyalty versus loyalty to oneself. This isn't simply a film made to titillate and repulse its audience. It, although feebly, tries to stimulate the intellect of the viewer as well. I personally believe that if the film had less filth it would have been more critically recognized and may have sent the directer out of the low budget trash business and into the high budget drama genre.

So, if you're looking for another Ilsa, look elsewhere. If you're looking for a serious film about Nazi rule.....with lots of sex and nudity check this one out. Did i mention there's lots of nudity? There's lots of nudity.

Gore - mild
Nudity - TONS
Overall - 7/10

Drunken Angel (1948) 8/10

Drunken Angel was Akira Kurosawa's 7th film and his first starring Toshiro Mifune. The film also stars Kurosawa veteren Takashi Shimura.

Toshiro Mifune plays a young brash yakuza infected with TB. He goes to a drunken doctor played by Takashi Shimura to seek treatment. The doctor sees himself in the young criminal and tries to take him away from the yakuza lifestyle in his own abrasive way. The film was just made a few years after WWII and the location is of a run down post war ghetto filled with criminals and a metaphoric disease infested bog.

Like with many Kurosawa films, Drunken Angel focuses on the characters and how each of them learn how to live their lives better, rather then focusing on action. The film is dialogue driven and passionately acted by everyone. As with Red Beard Kurosawa writes extensive depth to each character giving even supporting characters unique and well defined back grounds. Yet another example of just how great Kurosawa was at his craft.

I would not recommend this as a entry level Kurosawa film however. Drunken Angel is more for an audience already familiar with his more powerful and well known works like the Seven Samurai, Throne of Blood, Ran, Yojimbo etc.

Overall - 8/10

Friday the 13th Part VII (1988) 6/10

Round 7 of the Friday series finds Jason battling a girl with telekinetic powers who accidentally resurrected him....somehow.

Part 7 is a mediocre entry in the series with nothing really to note about it. Yeah its the first Jason performance by Kane Hodder, and yeah Jason looks really badass but the gore is lacking, possibly due to the MPAA, and the story is pretty ho-hum. Its a different idea then in previous Friday films but ultimately the script is thin. It does however have the famous sleeping bag kill scene that is worth checking out alone. Its not great, not terrible, mediocre at best.

Gore - medium

Nudity - some

Overall - 6/10

Horrors of the Malformed Men (1969) 7/10

Horrors of the Malformed Men is the notorious film from director Teruo Ishii banned in its native Japan. The film was recently found, remastered and finally released in America for the first time. The film had a short run in theatres in Japan until public outcry demanded its ban. The film was rarely seen thereafter and was kept in a private vault. Because of its history the film grew and grew in infamy so now we can finally see what all the hub-bub is about.

The film chronicles a man working as an intern at a hospital and is mistakenly taken for a mental patient. While in the mental ward, he is attacked by a mysterious bald man, but kills his attacker in the scuffle. He escapes from the hospital and finds out that a local wealthy family's patriarch has recently passed away that looks identical to him. He then poses as the resurrected patriarch to hopefully discover information about his unknown past. He discovers that his father has been living in seclusion on an island for nearly 30 years. He decides to go to the island and meet with the man only to find out that in those 30 years he has kidnapped several children, intentionally deforming them to create an army to take over the country.

As you might imagine there's alot going on here and the film feels like theres too much story being crammed into the run time but having said that the film does move at a quick pace and rarely slows down. The real question is, did it deserve to be banned? By today's standards the film fairly tame though still disturbing. This is one of the unique films that really can't be cut down to tame it. The themes and overall mood of the film ooze malice therefore simply cutting certain scenes would only result in confusion rather then toning down the shock value.

The film is great for Japanese film buffs searching for unique cinema but for the rest of us its compelling but doesn't meet the expectations set by the years of obscurity and infamy

Gore - mild

Nudity - some

Overall - 7/10

Angel-A (2007) 7/10

Angel-A is the newest film from director Luc Besson (La Femme Nikita, The Professional), and is his first adult narrative he's directed since the awful, The Messenger.

Angel-A is about a man in France who owes money to several loan sharks and must pay up by the end of the night, or else. Despondent he decides he'll jump off a bridge to end it all. Once on the bridge though, he finds a beautiful woman also about to jump. He tries to talk her out of it but of course she jumps anyway and he follows to save her. After saving his life, she pledges to do whatever it takes to help him get the money he needs.

The film is really about the main character's development throughout the film where he learns how to stand up for himself, and even to appreciate himself. Of course he falls in love with his beautiful companion, thus learning how to love others as well. The film works nicely and keeps the mood light and fun throughout most of the run time, while also getting serious without getting to heavy handed. Its a great departure from the director's mostly action packed filmography, and it's a welcome change that he delivers very well.

Overall - 7/10

Doctor Who Season 3 (2007) 8/10

So I just got done watching season 3 of Doctor Who about a week ago and what a great season it turned out to be.

Doctor Who is about an alien in human form that travels time and space fighting evil aliens who try to change history in their favor. The show has been around since the early 1960's and the new series is a great addition to this long standing gem of a show.

In this season the Doctor meets a new companion to travel and fight with. They make a great team and many great episodes ensue. If you don't follow the show you wouldn't understand a breakdown of the episodes and if you do watch the show you don't want it to be spoiled so i'll forgo the tedious explanations.

Check it out if you're a fan, if not it's not a bad place to start, though season one would be ideal.

Overall - 8/10

Live Free Or Die Hard (2007) 8/10

Live Free Or Die Hard is the fourth film in the Die Hard series and quite possibly the most action packed.

Enter John McClain NYPD detective and resident ass kicker. He's older now and divorced trying to deal with a daughter that no longer loves him. Tech terrorists decide to shut off all the electricity in greater east coast and begin stealing from all the electronic bank accounts. It's up to McClain and a young hacker to stop the bad guys and save the day.

The film runs 2+ hours but never drags. The action is constant and satisfying. McClain kicks a whole lot of ass and kills many bad guys. Awesome. The stunt scenes are great, even the ones done with CGI. It's a shame this didn't do better at the box office but it came out the week before Transformers and really didn't stand a chance against that hype machine.

Great fun flick that reminds us all of the glorious action packed hairy chested body count action flicks of the 80s.

Overall - 8/10

Friday the 13th Part VI (1986) 8/10

So continues my journey through the Friday films and I've taken a stop at one of the best ones so far!

Friday part 6 starts off where part 5 leaves off with Tommy in search of Jason. He accidentally resurrects Jason and must stop him before its too late! So we finally get to see zombie Jason or maybe inhuman Jason. Thus far he's really just been resilient psycho killer, but not anymore friends. He's a bonafide demon from hell here to kill Tommy once again.

The film is fast paced and the body count is high. Really high. In fact this one has the highest body counts so far in the series. Beyond that the deaths are all unique and pretty gory. We've got death by tree branch, death my machete skewer, death by head crush, heart rip, etc etc. Hopefully someday we'll see the full uncut version of the film before the MPAA hacked it up.

This is such a great Friday film. It revamps the tired plot found in 1-4 while not sucking like part 5. If you're going to watch a Friday film, make this one a must see.

Gore - High

Nudity - none

Overall - 8/10

Cannibals (1980) 4/10

Cannibals, directed by Jess Franco, is yet another entry in the savages gone wild films of the late 70s and early 80s. These films revel in the lowest common denominator, gore and boobs and usually real animal death. Cannibals stands amongst some of the most notorious grindhouse films ever made, Cannibal Ferox, Cannibal Holocaust, Mountain of the Cannibal God. It stands however, at the bottom of the pile.

Cannibals is about a family traveling to an exotic land when suddenly they're attacked! The mother is eaten alive and the father's arm is cut off and eaten. The daughter is kidnapped and named a goddess. The father comes back to find his daughter and more cannibalism ensues.

This is the third Jess Franco film I've seen and it only further proves the fact that this man cannot direct. The film is boring and horribly shot. The shoot locations look more like a desert then a jungle and a well maintained public desert at that. There's plenty of intercut stock footage and the "savages" just look like fat Spaniards to me. Their face paint looks more like they escaped from a culture club video instead of the jungle. Yikes! The gore is graphic but also unbelievable and the cannibalism scenes go on and on and on and on in slow motion no less.

This one's a stinker, only worth watching if you're a cannibal completest or have a lot of drunk buddies over. The only good thing about the movie is the 20 min. interview of Jess Franco.

Gore - medium

Nudity - mild

Overall - 4/10

The Most Terrible Time In My Life (1993) 8/10

The Most Terrible Time In My Life is a Japanese film that pays homage to the 40's American Noir film.

Maiku Hama (get it, Mike Hammer) is a young brash P.I. with a dark past just trying to make a buck. When he stops a bar fight and gets his pinky severed in the process he begins a decent into the underground gangster world where a fight between the yakuza and a new gang made up of naturalized citizens, the "New Japs," is starting to boil.

The film is shot in beautiful black and white and has plenty of great vantage point shots to keep the audience happy. The film moves at a nice pace and features unique and engaging characters living a world I know nothing about. Very cool. As I was watching this film I thought to my self, gee i would really like to see these same characters get caught up in more crazy situations. This is something i rarely feel and to my delight there are indeed two more films featuring these characters creating the Maiku Hama trilogy. Awesome.

Check it out for a light fun crime caper flick that doesn't disappoint.

Overall - 8/10

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) 7/10

Invasion of the Body Snatchers is the classic story of evil alien spores come to earth the replace all of humanity.

Here we have the '78 remake and this is really the best incarnation of the film. The film stars a curly haired Donald Sutherland and also features Jeff Goldbloom and Spock himself Leonard Nimoy?! This version doesn't stray far from the original but does heap on the creepy. The film is tense and fast and works wonderfully well. The one Major update in the film is the audience finally gets to see what happens to the person that the pod people replace.

Very cool sci-fi flick and a solid remake.

Gore - mild
Nudity - mild
Overall 7/10

Black Sabbath (1963) 7/10

Black Sabbath stands as a testament to the greatness of Mario Bava. The film stars Boris Karloff and features 3 separate stories to chill your bones! The stories are about a woman terrorized by constant death threats over her phone, a period piece set in eastern Europe where the myth of the wurdulak comes true and finally woman haunted by an old lady from whom she stole a ring.

Beautifully shot with a whole palette of wonderful colors the film oozes style in a way only the Italians can do it, eat your heart out Hammer! The film moves at a nice pace and features wonderful sets and of course beautiful women. All in all a great film from Bava worth checking out by anyone even casually interested in Italian horror.

So why did I give it a 7? Well because thus far there has not been a version on dvd with the English audio track. See the film was originally shot in English but later dubbed in Italian. So we have to sit through the whole film knowing that the actors are speaking English but having to read subtitles instead. Totally irritating and distracting for English speakers. I don't know why the film has never been released with its original version but hopefully anchor bay will find the original dialogue some day.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 7/10

Calvaire (2005) 7/10

Calvaire is a French film about a wedding/ old folks home singer that experiences car trouble in rural France. He stops at a little inn only to find out the family that runs the place is crazy and is held captive to endure their hellish treatment.

The film is beautifully shot with rich dark colors, tracking shots, and scenic views. These are all in sharp contrast to the nightmare the main character has to endure. I don't want to give away the film but lets just say it takes a few very surprising twists.

The film does not belong in the "torture porn" category since most of the anguish is psychological versus physical, which isn't to say that there aren't moments of shocking violence, there just aren't many and that's not the point of the film. It isn't the french take on hostel. Its much more about the anguish of being held captive amongst insanity.

Great french flick that proves once again that there must be something in the water over there, something that makes the usually love obsessed french dig brutal psychological horror.

Gore - mild
Nudity - none
Overall - 7/10

Sandokan the Great (1963) 4/10

Sandokan the Great is an early Umberto Lenzi film about a Malaysian folk hero, Sandokan that fought the British.

I rented this thinking it might be gory or maybe just bizarre but really, its just boring. Nothing really happens. Tigers and elephants attack our hero but its obviously stock footage edited together with what was shot for the film. The picture was not restored and looks like it was made from a print that was left out in the sun and stepped on by said elephants. Maybe if the picture and color was restored it would be a little more bearable but ultimately this is just another low budget Italian adventure flick with no adventure.

Gore - none

Overall - 4/10

Friday The 13th Part V (1985) 5/10

So being a horror buff I've decided to go back and watch all of the Friday the 13th films starting with the original. I finally made it up to part 5 and I wasn't looking forward to it.

Yeah this one's a stinker. All the killing is off camera for the most part and Jason isn't even really Jason. Weak. This is the first in the series to really let me down. We all come to watch the Friday movies for the same reasons, gore and nudity and more gore. This one was certainly lacking in gore and even more then that it had no unique kills. No crazy weapons, no ridiculous situations, just plain old stabbings. Snooozer.

Nudity - some

Gore- mild

Overall 5/10

Prison (1988)

Before I start, I have to point out that any movie set in a prison is halfway towards winning me over. Any movie set in a carnival or a prison has to be pretty bad for me not to enjoy it. Luckily, Prison is a decent enough movie, even if there's a reason you've probably never heard of it.

The plot centers around the ghost of an inmate put to death in a now abandoned prison. The prison is re-opened, and the ghost is freed when an inmate played by Viggo Mortensen and another guy are ordered to bust through the sealed off room to the electric chair. From there it starts to feel like an A Nightmare On Elm Street clone without Freddy, and the pissed off ghost starts killing people. No big surprise that director Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, Die Hard 2) went on to direct a NOES sequel the same year.

The deaths are nice and gory and I love the prison setting, but otherwise it's pretty standard fare. You know everything about the movie in the first ten minutes, so it ends up being way too conventional to be remembered as anything special. You've probably seen it all before, but seeing more of it isn't always that bad.

Review By Marshall

Daywatch (2006) 7/10

Daywatch is the sequel to the popular Nightwatch. Both films were produced in Russia and showcase the ability of Russia to produce a high quality special effects epic.

Personally I loved Nightwatch. The film had such a unique plot line as well as a great sense of humor and aesthetic. The whole film was engaging and I was really excited to see the continuation of the story. Notice how I said was?

The problem here is that the films are based on a trilogy of books that were hugely popular in Russia. The first film was the first book and worked marvelously well. The second film however, is the last two books in the series. What we get is a lot of plot devices mashed together with no thought as to why things are happening, they just are. It's hard to understand the motivations of the characters as i felt like i was missing vital information to understand the real scope of things. Its almost as if the film is in a race with itself, a race that it loses. Instead of trimming some of the unnecessary items from the last two books it seems like we get every major event that happens with none of the information in between to explain the events themselves. The action sequences are even more epic then in the first film but without any information backing them up they just look like show pieces for the film makers to say, "Hey! Look what we can do!" instead of using them to tell the story.

To put it simply, the film is hard to follow. I've watched Nightwatch at least 4 times since it came out so feel i have a pretty good handle on the story. There is no chance in hell that anyone who hasn't seen Nightwatch would understand Daywatch.

So, why did I give it a 7? Well the ending actually makes up for the confusion. I won't give it away but i felt that it was very satisfying and brought the film out of the 5 or a 6 realm and into a 7. For anyone that saw Nightwatch and loved it you don't need a review to tell you to watch the film, you will anyway, and for anyone that hasn't seen Nightwatch, don't bother with Daywatch until you have.

Overall - 7/10

Deadly Friend (1986) 6/10

Deadly Friend, like The Hand, is another film released from the Warner Bros. vault, and just like The Hand, its understandable why it was buried in the first place.

Deadly Hand is directed by Wes Craven and was released after Nightmare, and in between the Hills Have Eyes 2 and The Serpent and the Rainbow. The film is about a teenager who has built his own thinking robot named BB, voiced by Charles Fleischer who was also in A Nightmare On Elm Street and did the voice for Roger Rabbit. In this film however he sounds like a retarded gremlin. Seriously, BB sounds like a kid with down syndrome or something. Totally irritating but funny at the same time. Anyway BB dies and so does his new girl friend so he decides to put BB's computer brain in her head ala Dr. Frankenstein. The only problem is that she starts killing everyone that has done her wrong.

This film is seeped in 80s cheese. From the music to the sentiments of the characters. The film would have actually worked better as a teen thriller flick but instead has a few graphic gore scenes sending it into the R rating. The overall feel of the film seems confused. As if Wes wanted to make it scary but the producers wanted to make it fun. What comes out is a mishmash of ideas and feelings.

On the plus side an old lady played by the Goonies' Anne Ramsey gets her head exploded by a basketball thrown by the killer. Deadly Friend gets a 6/10 for that scene alone. Hilarious.

Gore - mild to medium
Nudity - none
Overall - 6/10

The Hand (1981) 6/10

The Hand is an early work from director Oliver Stone and I'm sure that that's enough to get people interested. It also stars Michael Caine which is another bonus. The film is about a man, Caine, who loses his hand in a freak accident just as he loses his family in a separation. He then experiences periods of memory loss, black outs, and begins to believe that the severed hand is committing terrible crimes, or is it? Is it he who is killing during these blackouts? Is the hand just a symbol of his unresolved rage? I suppose that's for you, the viewer, to decide.

The subject matter and the director is not really what's interesting here. What is truly intriguing is the hand itself. As the film progresses the hand decomposes and begins to look an awful lot like the Ash's severed hand in Evil Dead 2. Upon further screen time for the hand it begins to make sounds, not unlike the same sounds the hand in ED2 makes, though of course not as comical or outrageous. In the film's finale Michael Caine fights with the hand eventually stabbing it with a knife once again very similarly as in ED2. Considering what huge horror buffs Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell were and are it's not entirely out of the question that they may have seen this film and been influenced by it.

So watch the film if you're an Oliver Stone fan or an Evil Dead 2 fanatic but don't bother for the film itself because it's mediocre at best.

Fido (2007) 8/10

You know I'm really thinking about ignoring major theatrically released horror films from now on. With so many great indie flicks coming out on dvd, I almost don't even want to bother. But who am I kidding? We all know that the promise of the next Halloween or Friday is too great. Still Fido continues to prove that there is some truly talented people out there making some great films that rarely see theatrical release.

Fido is a film set in the 50's where every household has a "pet," or "slave," zombie to do their bidding. A little boy with an emotionally unavailable father befriends his zombie and eventually saves the day. When i first heard of this film i thought, finally, a film that does something new and different to the very tired and cliched zombie genre. The potential set by the treatment is indeed fulfilled but perhaps not in the way more horror fans would expect.

Instead of great gore and 50s references we get a film that in tone resembles a drive-in B movie with very witty and subtly placed cultural and social references that speak volumes of the time as well as letting us consider a zombie phenomenon a little differently. Case in point, the elderly are the most feared members of society. These have the highest potential of becoming zombies therefore they are closely watched and eventually taken out of their homes to be removed from society, thus removing the threat. What an interesting and well thought out idea. Also the pro-war and anti-feelings sentiments of the time are here in spades as well as the most important thing within a family is to not embarrass the family in front of neighbors.

Fido is a fun film with great lovable characters and plenty of intelligent social and zombie commentary. Don't expect any gore because you're not going to find it. That's not really the point here.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 8/10

Murder Party (2007) 8/10

Ahh Murder Party, saving me from mediocre re-makes and high budget crap.

Murder Party is about a pathetic, naive, kind, socially awkward, and totally lovable guy that lives alone with his huge fat cat sir Lancelot. He receives a mysterious invitation to a Murder Party on Halloween night and decides that for once he'll take a chance. After making a Sir Lancelot costume out of cardboard he goes to the secret location only to find that the party has been thrown to commit a murder, his murder! The murderers? These are the lowest of the low, the pretentious artists looking for the next big thing but unable to look beyond themselves and their own egos.

What we have here is an 80min film that blasts all supposed artists and especially groups of people that collectively create "art," but really just sit around stroking each others egos and adamantly not growing up. These are the irritating people in your art class in college that couldn't stop talking about how great they were even though they were turning in the equivalent to finger paintings.

The acting is great as well as the characterizations. Obviously these guys have had A LOT of experience with art jerks. The film makers are collectively known as the Lab of Madness and have been making horror films since they were kids. Each actor performed another position within the production truly making a collective effort. They all grew up together and after securing good jobs after college decided to pool their resources to make a fun film and a statement. Statement heard loud and clear guys.

The film takes place mostly in an old warehouse but the film doesn't seem confined by this. Rather it seems more interesting and emphasizes the interplay between the characters. The script moves at a quick pace and never becomes dull. The film is really a horror/comedy with some pretty good gore in certain spots but isn't really "gory." In this film it doesn't need to be. The script is smart and the characters and events although exaggerated, still seem believable. In fact i still feel sorry for the main character and really just want to give him a hug and maybe hang out, introduce him to some people, you know? I quickly became attached to him and wanted him to survive. That kind of support is rarely created in horror films and it's great to see a group of people creating original work that respects the genre.

Check this film out if you're looking for something new, smart, and fun. This is a really great film and i look forward to see what these guys do next.

Gore - mild to medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 8/10

30 Days Of Night (2007) 5/10

30 Days Of Night is the newest among the high budget horror flicks coming out this year, and much like the previously released (and reviewed here) Halloween, is disappointing.

30 Days Of Night is directed by David Slade whose previous work includes Hard Candy. Hard Candy was a great indie psychological horror film that I think any horror buff should check out. Having seen this previous work and hearing that the original comic writer demanded Slade I figured it was a safe bet to assume this would be a great flick. I was wrong.

The film is about a small community in norther Alaska that experiences 30 days of night in their winter season. This is of course perfect for vampires and their natural aversion to sun. A great premise but poorly executed here.

We meet the town sheriff, the local hero, and his estranged wife. The two of them as well as a band of lucky non-eaten townspeople devise a plan to try and survive the 30 days.

The problem here is that first of all the vampires are silly. They squawk like birds and act like goofy goth kids in high school proudly showing their fangs and looking "creepy." This is not effective or entertaining, it just becomes laughable and finally irritating. The only vampire that is believable (and i can't believe I'm talking about a believable vampire) is the leader. He acts with much more subtly and restraint. Too bad the other guys didn't get the memo.

During these 30 days there is significant time lapses that are only shown by the growing of stubble and that's about it. No growing tensions between the characters, no crisis involving food supply or cabin fever. Nope apparently these guys are content to starve and sit in a cramped attic for more then a week in perpetual fear.

The other problem is that after about 20 days the vampires have not found them or a few other survivors that are hiding in even less convincing locations. So what were the vampires doing during that time? Just hanging out talking about being vampires? We have no idea why they didn't find some very obvious prey or what the hell they were doing. Beer pong maybe? I suppose the film makers wanted a restricted narrative so we would have sympathy for the characters that we were supposed to get to know and eventually care about rather then show some vampire interaction but i don't give a damn about the characters. Who are these vampires, where did they come from, how did they get there, the questions go on and on.

And for horror fans the biggest problem is that the film either A) was heavily edited by the MPAA or B) the director chose to not film totally perfect gore sequences that are obviously set up but never show within the film. In the end the film isn't really scary and is more of an action survival film. Being that i could have at least heaped on the gore. Instead we get a few near misses and a couple of pretty good gore scenes that don't make up for the fact that the film is unbelievable and poorly structured.

In the end the decision to have such a restrictive narrative hurt the film because lets face it, between a half hearted love story and crazy vampires, which is more interesting? The choice to this fan is obvious.

Gore - mild to medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 5/10

From Beyond (1986) 7/10

If you haven't seen or even heard of From Beyond then you must have been living beneath a rock for the past 20 years. For those said rock dwellers From Beyond is based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft about a mad scientist that creates a machine that emits a field of vibration that stimulates the pineal gland allowing the person within the field to see into another dimension. The creatures that inhabit this world are monsters of course that attack the people within the field. The problem however is that the field's effects are addicting.

The film is directed by Stuart Gordon and is the followup to Re-animator. As in Re-animator it stars Jefferey Combs and Barbara Combs. The film was hacked up by the MPAA and has never been released uncut, until now.

Now the film isn't quite as gory as Re-animator but makes up for it with crazy creature effects. The monsters within the film feature an array of slime covered latex sci-fi inspired awesomeness.

From Beyond is a cult classic and a must see for fans of Re-animator or sci-fi / horror fiends. Great flick!

Gore - Medium
Nudity - very little
Overall - 7/10

Black Sheep (2007) 8/10

What we have here is a great comedy/horror made in New Zealand about a genetic experiment on sheep gone bad. In New Zealand there are 40 million sheep and only 4 million people so the idea of killer sheep is at the same time hilarious and frightening, especially to Kiwis. The owner of a large farm decides to invest in making the "uber sheep" but instead creates a sheep that has a thirst for human blood! If the sheep bites you then you become a were-sheep. Awesome.

The film emphasizes more of the comedy rather then the horror much like Kiwi made Dead Alive. Interestingly the same FX company, Weta Workshop, did the gore for Dead Alive, as well as Black Sheep, not to mention King Kong and LOTR. You get the same silly but compelling and fun storytelling as seen in Dead alive as well. Much like dead alive the film is presented in a traditional Kiwi storytelling approach. The film benefits from this in spades.

The film is also very very gory. They certainly don't pull any punches here. Sheep devouring humans, humans killing sheep. Its all done in good fun though. There are great creature effects and human transformations as well. There's even a were-sheep transformation scene that pays homage to An American Werewolf in London. There is very little CGI, the film uses practical effects instead and is the better for it. To be honest the "puppet" sheep look just as convincing as the real thing. The FX team really outdid themselves on this one.

I can't speak highly enough about this film. It's perfect if you're looking for something very gory and very fun.

I would also recommend a film that came out earlier this year, Isolation, if you're looking for a serious film about farm animal genetic mutations.

Gore - Medium to High

Nudity - none

Overall - 8/10

Perth (2004) 6/10

Perth is one of the latest releases from Tartan Asia Extreme and it comes all the way from Singapore. I checked this out just because it was a Tartan release and because a quote on the box said it was "Singapore's answer to Taxi Driver," and "The most violent film ever made in Singapore." This certainly gave me high expectations, expectations that were not met.

Perth is about a middle aged man who has found himself at a dead end. He was once a merchant marine but at this stage in his life is a lowly security guard by day and a taxi driver for prostitutes by night. He has high hopes of going immigrating to Perth to get away from the materialism of Singapore. Much like in Taxi Driver he meets a whore that he wants to free from sex slavery and that's where the film turns violent. Too bad this is at the 90 min. mark and the film is only 115 min. long. The film is slow going though nicely shot with dark unnatural lighting, and to be honest i didn't even notice it was shot in film until the middle of the movie.

The film is actually in English for the most part which is nice except that the subtitles are still necessary for the random points where the characters slip into their native tongue, which by the way is spoken more convincingly then in English. The actors are easy to understand with very little accent, but the problem is they can't act in English. The film may have been a bit more believable if they spoke their native language instead.

The film in general isn't very violent until the last few minutes, also like Taxi Driver. I've never seen any other Singaporean films before so I can't really judge it except by my own standards, and given that, this film ends up being OK. Not great, not terrible, but ok. It's a modest film that is competently directed but there just wasn't enough for me to grab onto, especially at nearly 2 hours long.

Gore - Mild
Nudity - none
Overall 6/10

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie For Theatres (2007) 6/10

Let me begin by saying that I am a fan of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I've enjoyed the show since the first season and still dig it. I feel that most of the critics that watched the film had never seen the show therefore they didn't "get it." Well, I "got it," I just didn't like it.

The film is mostly a series of running jokes and references from the show, which if you haven't seen the show, you wouldn't really understand. Just about every character that has ever been on the show throughout the years is also in the film and are given no introduction. Once again you have to see it to understand. I didn't really expect anything less but even the casual viewer may feel lost at times.
The film also just feels like a long episode with the swear words uncensored. This would be great but honestly it looses steam quickly, picks up, slows down. You get the idea. Basically every 15 min the movie gets good then goes down hill.

At the end of the day i know all the fans will check this out and you can make your own judgement. I didn't really think it was very funny and i found that disappointing since I still love the show. If you're not a fan, you better watch some episodes first to get to know the characters first. Might i suggest the broodwich episode?

Overall 6/10

Scarecrows (1988) 7/10

Scarecrows is a late 80s chiller about a paramilitary group that has just pulled a heist on a military base. They flee only to be double crossed by one of their own. The loot gets thrown out of their plane into a cornfield on an old farm and the bandits go after it only to find that they are the hunted!

Pretty original idea here and the director wastes no time setting up the story. The film begins right as the thieves get their loot thrown out of the plane. No need to see the heist, its all implied. Once the crew lands they are attacked almost immediately and then the fun begins.

For such a low budget direct to video flick there's a good amount of gore and the film stock is very clean and professional. The acting is OK and the scarecrows' makeup is pretty convincing. There's really no meat to the film though. We learn nothing about the characters and there's not much of a character or story arc. Plain and simple. Bad guys land in a spooky field and are attacked by evil scarecrows. A fun little gem indeed.

The really odd thing is that the director didn't go on to do much. He directed an episode of "Monsters" in the early 90's and then did Route 666 in 2001 staring Lou Diamond Philips, and that's it. For such a competently shot and well paced film I would have expected more work. Oh well I guess not everyone can have Uwe Boll's connections.

Gore - medium
Nudity - none
Overall 7/10

Kiss Daddy Goodbye (1981) 3/10

Kiss Daddy Goodbye is about a couple of kids with crazy telekinetic powers that live up in the hills. Their father gets killed by a band of biker scum and the kids deicide to bring their father back from the dead to get revenge. They do this by reading a book of spells they just happen to have lying around (doesn't everyone?).

Yeah so this is a big stinker. It looks like it was shot with 8mm or at the most 16mm so the shots are very grainy and flat. The aspect ratio of the dvd release is bizzare as well. Instead of the tried and true black bars for widescreen, we get a weird black box around the whole image. What gives? The picture does look like it went through some restoration but there's not much you can do if it was shot on crap by people who don't know what they're doing. The acting is horrible. I can't even express how bad it is. We're talking high school drama reject status here. Yikes. There's no gore nothing at all to pick up this dismal film. Its barely watchable at best. Only for early 80s crapfest lovers. The only thing this film is good for is making fun of, and even that only works for so long.

Gore - none
Nudity - none
Overall - 3/10

Eyes Of A Stranger (1981) 5/10

Eyes of a Stranger is an early 80's slasher about a news reporter that discovers a serial killer is living in her apartment building. She tries to find hard evidence and becomes a target in the process.

So it's not the most original script ever and to be honest this one's by the books. No surprises, no frills. Just a knife wielding killer on the loose. There's only 5 kills in the whole movie so its not to big on the body count meter either. The only thing that sets the film apart is the fact that Tom Savini did the makeup work right around the same time he was doing Maniac and Friday the 13th, The Burning, and a slew of other better more popular films. The dvd is super bare bones too. Bland city.

Gore - mild to medium
Nudity - very little
Overall - 5/10

Ministry - The Last Sucker (2007) 5/10

Ministry is Dead.

I've never been a big fan of Ministry to be honest. I really liked their past few records because of their hyper fast thrash/industrial mixture that just oozes aggression. I have to admit though that their lyrical content never did much for me as I'm probably the last living person to feel that the war is just and that our current administration really does want to protect us from terrorism. Their newest record is also their last album ever to be recorded for this long standing act and I can see why.

Perhaps I have to be a "true" ministry fan to really dig this but what's hitting my ears is the sound of mediocrity. The samples are weak, the songs are simple and mid paced at best. Hell there's even a crappy cover of Roadhouse Blues.

Al Jourgensen has stated that this will be Ministry's last album as his creative juices are more interested in producing records and doing more work with his side project the Revolting Cocks, lord knows why since they sound like the recycle bin for songs not good enough for Ministry. I guess this wimpy last record is a testament to his desire to move on. Too bad they couldn't have gone out with a blaze of glory, but instead with a shrug of apathy. Bummer.

5/10

Baroness - The Red Album (2007) 8/10

I've been a fan of Baroness ever since they released their first two eps a couple years ago. Here we have their first full length, out on Relapse Records no less. Baroness hails from Georgia and play a melody infused bluesy and progressive metal somewhat like remission era Mastodon with a splash of twin guitar harmonies ala Thin Lizzy. I remember when The Dillinger Escape Plan hit it big and no one could pin down their style. They were compared to Today is The Day all the way to Metallica(!?!). That's because they defined a new genre. I believe Baroness is doing the same thing right now.

It's really hard to try to describe just what Baroness does since there's so much going on in each song. Each member of the band is given the chance to shine in each track without it sounding like a giant wankfest. Each song is built upon the unique writing style of the band which i can't entirely nail down. This is exactly why I love this band so much. Baroness along with bands like Mastodon, Sofa King Killer, Pelican, Isis, Soilent Green, High on Fire and many others are blazing new trails in metal that have become unclassifiable.

We are witnessing the dawn of a new wave of metal and Baroness is at the forefront. Make no mistake, they will rule and we'll all be hearing A Lot more about them in the future.
This record is truly amazing with its complex guitar structures, soaring/screaming vocals, impressive crazy drumming and needs to be in your collection now. Buy it sucker.

8/10
http://www.yourbaroness.com/

Book Of The Dead - Edited By Skipp & Spector (1989) 8/10

For my first novel review i've chosen The Book of the Dead edited by John Skipp and Craig Spector. The book is a collection of short stories based on the universe created by George A. Romero's Dead films. There's even a forward written by the man himself.

Within these pages we have mostly splatterpunk authors like David J. Schow, Joe R. Lansdale, Robert M. Mcammon and more. There are also submissions by non-splatterpunks like Stephen King, Edward Bryant, Ramsey Campbell etc. Most of the stories here are very creative and disgusting. Graphic depictions of gore and decompostions abound so this one isn't for "passive" horror fans but more for "active" or extreme horror fans. This was my first introduction to most of these authors, though i was already a big fan of Lansdale. The more I read, the more i liked as the stories get progressively better with the first few being medicore. I have to say that this is an excellent resource for intellegent extreme horror writers. There is also a second book of the dead which hopefully i'll get my hands on soon. Both books however are out of print but can be found on Amazon.com and Half.com etc very inexpensively.

8/10

Flight Of The Living Dead (2007) 6/10

Flight of the Living Dead is as you might imagine, about zombies on a plane. Simple as that. Some secret clandestine research involving a mutant strain of malaria has created the zombie virus and it gets out on board a trans Atlantic flight.


I picked this one up since Fangoria gave it their official seal of approval, and, more often then not they're right. In this case though the film is a little above mediocre. I had reservations going in and was moderately entertained going out.

The film starts off very strong with multiple story lines being set up and a variety of characters including a pro golfer with a gold plated putter. And in case you were wondering, yeah, he does use it to smash some zombie heads. The film is very gory with pretty dang good zombie makeup. It takes a while for the zombie action to begin but i didn't feel like it was too long, just right to help build the tension and the humor which is sprinkled throughout the film. The film doesn't really try to be scary, more funny and action packed, which works fine here.


The problem with the film is that even at its short 90 min. run time, it still seems to drag a bit in the third act. There is no real conflict at the end except survival and the remaining survivors do just that. This could have been a golden opportunity to play on all of our fears of terrorism and flying but the film never really touches on these too much. The film could have just as easily been set anywhere, a train, a boat, hell even in a building.


Not really much here, just you're average meat and potatoes zombie flick. It doesn't disappoint but it's nothing new either. Check it out if you're in the mood for zombie carnage and have seen everything else.


Gore - High
Nudity - none
Overall 6/10