Wristcutters: A Love Story (2008) 6/10

So it seems that mediocrity is the name of this latest update on the ole blog. Wristcutters is good, but not great and barely good at that.

Wristcutters is about a depressed young man that decides to commit suicide. He is then sent to purgatory which is much like being alive, just kind of crappier. The colors are bland and washed out and no one can smile. Everyone that commits suicide is sent here after they do the deed. He finds out that his girlfriend from his life has recently committed suicide and sets out on a journey to find her. Along the way he meets life, or afterlife, long friends, and learns more about himself in the process.

The film works and is funny in that bland indie sort of way found in films like Juno where the characters are just so damn cool and emo that they have to be funny right? Sigh. I mean the film stars Patrick Fugit, the annoying kid from the dreadfully pretentious emo garbage film Almost Famous. Anyway the journey aspect of the film is fleshed out well and we meet all sorts of suicide victims. The problem is there really isn't any difference between after life and real life. I was expecting some sort of Terry Gilliam-esque retro punk type stuff. Something, hell i dunno. But what we find is a world exactly like this one. Only more Emo because they're all suicide victims.

In the end the film is enjoyable to watch, especially Tom Waits' character, but there isn't much separating this from any other indie emo too-hip-for-you type flick. Fun, but totally forgettable and very predictable.

Overall - 6/10

Southland Tales (2005) 6/10

Southland Tales was directed by Richard Kelly, the director of Donnie Darko. Donnie Darko was the indie breakout hit and launched Jake Gyllenhaal's career. From this amazing success Kelly wrote and directed Southland Tales, a film that was shelved immediately after its completion because the distributor didn't know what the hell to do with it. On the shelf it sat until it was unceremoniously released into limited theatrical spots and finally now sneaking in on dvd. I now know why the film was shelved.

Southland Tales is strange. And not artsy David Lynch strange. Or even fun Terry Gilliam strange. Its just a film that doesn't seem to know what it is. Is it a dark comedy? An apocalyptic sci-fi flick? A futuristic political film? A deeper philosophical film? Perhaps all of the above, or none of the above. Strange indeed.

Southland Tales is set in 2008, which makes it sadly already dated. America is at war with Iraq, Iran, Syria, and north Korea. We are now being patrolled by military gunners placed in strategic metropolitan areas. The Internet is also being controlled by the "evil" republican party to stop terrorists. We also have run out of gas but the good news is we've invented a perpetual motion machine that uses the ocean's waves to power cars. The Rock plays a military commando that has lost his memory and is now shacking up with a porn star played by Sarah Michelle Geller. He's written a script that he wants to direct and star in. There's also a neo-marxist terrorist organization using footage of The Rock with the porn star as blackmail against the republican party. Yeah, there's alot going on here.

That in itself is a bit of an over generalization of the plot as well. Beyond the strange script the cast is strange as well. Actors include The Rock, Sheri Oteri from snl, John Lovitz, the highlander Christopher Lambert, Justin Timberlake, Mandy Moore, and John Larroquette to name just a few. The film is long too, running at around 2 hours and 15 minutes. That's over 2 hours of head scratching. The film is easy to follow but the motivations of each character become confusing and the ending is just plain strange. Sorry to use the word strange so much but really, its the best word at my command to even begin to describe the film.

In the end this is for more adventurous film watchers and lovers of Donnie Darko and perhaps The Rock only. Check it out if you're looking for something unclassifiable yet still mainstream enough to not be an art film. Strange.

Overall - 6/10

Storm Warning (2006) 6/10

Storm Warning has been released through the blandly titled "Dimension Extreme" series. Most of these films are very hit and miss, Storm Warning straddles the in between and reaches the okay realm.

Storm Warning is the direct product of the Wolf Creek phenomenon in Australia. This Aussie film is once again about travelers who get caught by freakish back woods people. In this case it's two lovers who get caught, literally, in the rain and seek refuge on an island at a house that is the home to a trio of sociopath drug dealing killers.

The film is directed by Australian born Jamie Blanks who also directed Urban Legend and Valentine. Not exactly a good pedigree to say the least but Storm Warning is actually pretty dang good. It features beautiful landscape shots, showing off the natural beauty of the land down under. This is contrasted by the dirty vile and dangerous men who have taken our hapless heros hostage.

The film is pretty damn gory with some unique traps and setups to be had along with the unstoppable "last guy who needs to be killed" found in so many of these survival flicks. There's even a castration via beer can that's pretty damn shocking.

All in all there's really nothing new here, other then the fact that it was produced in Australia. Typical survival flick filled with tension and gory moments. Worth a rental.

Gore - medium

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Dead Moon Rising (2007) 4/10

Dead Moon Rising is yet another low budget zombie flick in a long long line of low budget zombie flicks. This time however the director tried to do a sort of "indie storytelling" approach that tries so hard to work but rarely does.

The film is set in Louisville, Kentucky and as you might have guessed, zombies are taking over. This plot is so well worn is almost thread bare. What could any film maker do to possibly add to the already bloated zombie genre? Try to be funny I guess. Dead Moon Rising is filled with silly characters and one-liners. Its almost a screwball zombie flick if that makes any sense. The main character takes the audience aside several times to tell the back story of each character which works about half the time. The half that doesn't comes out just seems needlessly expository and the information useless. I appreciate the approach though and really that's the films only saving grace.

As stated previously the story is nothing new. The acting is passable but the directing is not. Most of the film takes place outside in direct sunlight and all the character's faces are shrouded in shadow, unintentionally so. The problem with this is that when a character delivers dialogue I like to see the person's damn face, not a shadow. This obvious amateur mistake is found time and time again throughout the film and becomes incredibly irritating. Let me see the face and the actions. I want to be engaged, not shut out by shadow. The action is cheesy and the film is unabashedly micro budget, which would be fine if the director had any skill whatsoever. But alas, he does not. The film would have worked better as a short story rather then a film given its "wordy" banter found throughout. Film is a visual medium. If I want a bunch of dialogue and expository side tracks, I'll read a book. If I'm watching a film, i want to see action and development.

Bottom line: the script is better then the film.

Gore - mild-medium

Overall - 4/10

Mulberry Street (2007) 5/10

So Mulberry Street is one of the "8 Films To Die For" and is the darling of the group. There's been alot of buzz about how "innovative" the film is and I have to disagree.

Mulberry Street takes place in New York and a plague carried by rats infests the city. The bite from the rat turns its victim into a huge human rat zombie thing. So then you have rat zombie things running around attacking people. This is an obvious attempt at commenting on 9/11 and the future threats of terrorism but I personally don't think rat people is all that new or "innovative."

What it boils down to is zombies that like 28 days later zombies, but look like rats. Is that really all that it takes to impress horror fans now? How about I make a movie about pigeon zombies t turning people into giant pigeon zombies. Would that then be "innovative." The film takes forever to get going as well. I guess we were supposed to be getting to know the various characters and learning to love them so that when they die, we'll actually care. Well i didn't. I was just sitting waiting for the conflict to start, and about 35-minutes into the film I finally got what i wanted...sort of. The rat zombie action is all that shaky camera stuff that supposed to seem "edgy" and "realistic" but in this film just ends up being frustrating as I couldn't see what the hell was going on. After all the buzz I have to admit I'm very disappointed by this one. Perhaps my expectations were set too high but if this is best the 8 films could muster this year then I'm not looking forward to the rest.

Bottom line: the film has well developed characters and a weak conflict and crappy shaky camera garbage. The film is not innovative or unique.

Gore - medium

Overall - 5/10

Unearthed (2007) 5/10

Unearthed is one of the "8 Films to Die For" and I'm starting to think this year's crop must have been a dud.

Unearthed is about a crazy creature out in the woods that has been, as you might have guessed, unearthed. The creature is set to kill all humans around and it's up to a very hot and young and alcoholic (?) and totally unbelievable sheriff to save the day.

Unearthed is action packed but in a sci-fi channel movie kind of action packed. Although the flick was shot on film, it still seems cheap. Perhaps because our main protagonist is totally ridiculous. I mean, what sheriff, hot boozer or not, can't even button up her official sheriff shirt? The whole film just feels weak and well worn. Sure I love creature features and I applaud the attempt and doing something new but the creature is lame and the action is weak.

At the end of the day the film is watchable but by the end, I really just didn't care anymore. This one's a miss.

Overall - 5/10

Nightmare Man (2007) 4/10

Nightmare Man was one of last year's "8 Films To Die For," and I think I'd rather die then watch it again.

Nightmare Man is about a couple with sexual problems. They decide to buy an African fertility mask to hopefully spice things up but instead unleash a horrible demon monster on the woman's dreams.

The film, shot on dv, feels somehow like a porno. My wife and I kept asking each other if we were sent a porn by mistake. Was it the terrible acting? Maybe the low budget? Perhaps the soft video look? I don't really know, all I can say is that this film looks and feels like porno with the porno cut out. And in case you were wondering, that's not a good thing.

As mentioned above the acting is terrible and the plot is just plain dumb. I feel like this was some porno director's try at doing legitimate film but the project went down in flames. Honestly the stupidity of the film insulted me as I've come to feel that the "8 Films To Die For" represent more original and intelligent horror. In this case that's simply not true. Total Crap.

Overall - 4/10

Thirst (1979) 6/10

Thirst is part three of the Big Three of Australian horror films. The other two being Strange Behaviour and Patrick. It's interesting to note that although the output of horror from Australia is very small the plots are unique. Strange Behaviour was about a group of teenagers taking part in a science experiment but unknowingly becoming pawns in a mad scientists desire for revenge by making them homicidal maniacs, and Patrick is about a telekinetic comatose killer. Thirst as well has a unique plot.

Thirst is about a secret society of vampires living amongst us humans. They have blood farms where humans are used as cattle but live a life of luxury. They find that's living descendant of Countess Bathory and try to bring her into their way of life to breed a whole new generation of vampires with her royal blood. She of course abhors the idea and tries to escape the farm any chance she gets.

This is certainly a unique vampire film, especially given the Dracula obsessed times it which it was made. The film is more a statement on materialism then anything else and is a welcome addition to horror's more intelligent cannon.

The problem with the film is as with Patrick, it feels very dated. The film moves at a slower pace which makes the film a bit tougher to watch. The acting is pretty good and the premise is great. So, as with Patrick, this one is for a more patient audience but ultimately pays off very nicely.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Patrick (1978) 6/10

Patrick is one the big three in Australian horror films, along with Strange Behaviour, and Thirst. Australia has never been a major player in horror but these three films reached cult status abroad and here. Recently because of the popularity of Wolf Creek, the Australian horror industry has begun to grow. There's even been talk of re-making Patrick and Thirst.

Patrick is about a troubled youth that vicsiously kills his mother for being "loose." After her death he slips into total catatonia and finally brain dead coma. He's put into an institution to rot away. A new nurse is hired and she begins to suspect that Patrick may not be what he seems. She begins to think that perhaps he's telekinetic and has been hurting and killing people close to her. Can she prove her suspicions before its too late?

As the premise suggests the film is a real pot boiler. Very little happens throughout the film, yet the director expertly keeps the audience waiting for something to occur. The body count is very low in the film but the tension is high. Its not what Patrick is doing, its what he might do next. His activity progresses and becomes more malicious as the film progresses culminating in a violent display.

The film works well and is well acted and very well directed. The problem is that by now the film has become dated and is a bit too slow for today's standards. The film is enjoyable but too little happens throughout. This one's for a viewer with patience and an interest in telekinetic horror.

Gore - very mild

Nudity - none

Overall - 6/10

Warning Sign (1985) 7/10

Warning Sign is about a Midwest government chemical facility that processes and designs biological warfare viruses. An accident occurs and a virus is released causing the whole facility to be locked down. The virus kills many of the facility workers, but they come back from the dead and want to kill! Its up to a small town sheriff with a phobia of disease and his security officer wife that's still locked inside the building, along with the help of a recently laid off worker to stop and contain the virus while saving the people still alive inside.

This is a great cold war biological agent paranoia film. I love all of these cold war/nuclear holocaust/radiation mutating/biological warfare films. They're such great signs of the fear of the times as well as great warning pieces about war in general.

The film doesn't disappoint. Warning Sign moves at a very quick pace and creates a great deal of tension. The acting is great and I really wanted the plucky sheriff to rescue his trapped wife and save the day. Some have said that this is the first film with intelligent zombies as the premise suggests but the film really doesn't play as a zombie flick. The people are more like bringers of plague rather then animated corpses. They act and think just like they did in life, no eating of brains found. The carriers of the disease are filled with rage which also has been suggested as a possibly influence on 28 days later. Once again the rage is played very differently, but hey if you want to jump to that conclusion, go ahead. I'm just not ready to make that leap.

Warning Sign is an example of great 80's war paranoia and fits right along with other notable films like Return of the Living Dead and The Thing. The film is fast paced and intelligent with terrific acting. It's a wonder this also never became a cult hit but perhaps now that it's finally been released on DVD, it'll have a chance.

Gore - mild

Nudity - none
Overall - 7/10

Skinned Alive (1989) 5/10

Skinned Alive is a super cheesy Texas Chainsaw Massacre rip off from the late 80's. The super silly dialogue and gore make this one smell like a Troma flick.

The film shot in Ohio, is about a family that hunts people and turns their skins into leather that they sell. When their van breaks down the mechanic invites the family to stay with him while their van is being fixed. Let the neighbor killing ensue.

I can't stress enough that the dialogue of the film is ridiculous, bordering on irritating and that although there is a fairly high gore content it too is super cheesy. The film moves at a good pace, which is usually the killer for low budget gore flicks. The plot is ludicrous but so is the whole tone of the film so it works well enough.

I can't really recommend this film as by all rights I should hate it. For some reason though the film worked for me and I found it totally stupid but enjoyable to watch. Check it out only if you love Troma or if you can turn your brain completely off.

Gore - medium
Nudity - none
Overall - 5/10

The Roost (2005) 6/10

The Roost is about a group of young adults on their way to a wedding late one night who happen upon a barn filled with bats that turn their victims into zombies.

Surprisingly the CG bats in the film actually look pretty damn good. That was my first concern when checking out the film, and it passed my test with flying colors. The film is super low budget and very short but given the subject matter the film didn't nessecarily merit a huge budget or a long run time. The director chooses instead to keep it short and sweet. Good enough for me. The acting is pretty good given the obvious budget impediment. The film starts out with a spooky black and white introduction by a ghoulish man, obviously paying homage to Vampira and Elivra's spooky late night creature features. I personally believe that these segments found throughout the film are nothing more then filler for an already very short feature. Honestly though this is ok with me, they're shot well and although one particular spooky segment towards the end of the film really derails the energy of the film, overall it works.

The lack of budget does hurt the film overall as some of the action must be done offscreen and it left this viewer a bit confused at certain points in the film as to just what in the hell happend/is happening. The spooky black and white interludes work but do become somewhat intrusive as the film progresses and the very short run time doesn't leave much room for character development or meat on the bone.

In the end I'm left feeling entertained and looking forward to checking out some more of Ti West's films, should they cross my path, though I won't be actively seeking them anytime soon. This is low-budget film making at its best...almost.

Overall - 6/10

Nature Morte (2007) 2/10

Nature Morte is a british film about a famous painter found out to be a serial killer after his demise. His biographer finds out that new paintings have surfaced after the killer's death and surmises that perhaps the artist had an accomplice and sets out to discover the truth.

So I like the premise. I was certainly along for the ride and I was buying what the film was selling. The problem? The film is hyper low budget and very poorly directed. The film was shot on what looks to be non-HD 29.97 video which gives it a terrible home movie quality that doesn't fit the premise or the lighting. The director was shooting for a shadowy noir-esque look but only turned out an inky mess that makes the audience strain to see what the hell is going on. I can only guess that this was also a technique to help hide the terrible quality of the video, but it didn't work. Beyond that the shots themselves are terrible as is the audio. Surprise surprise the acting blows too.

In the end the film had an interesting plot but every other aspect of the film is terrible.

Overall - 2/10

Hardcore (1979) 6/10

Hardcore is a film set in the seedy underground world of the late 70's pornography industry. When a virtuous god fearing man from the Midwest, played by George C. Scott, loses his daughter on a field trip to Los Angeles, he sets out on journey of the porn industry's underbelly to find his daughter. He discovers a world he never knew existed and wishes he could forget.

The film moves at a very quick pace, especially given the time period in which it was made. The plot works nicely as George C. Scott goes from mild mannered bible thumper to a hard boiled man bent on vengeance. In order to find his under aged daughter he must track her down using contacts made under the guise of being a pornography director. The man is forced to wear the suit of the sinner and doesn't like the fit.

Ultimately what you have is a journey film, where the journey takes to you the very pit of hell. The problem is the pay off in the end is weak at best. His daughter's reasons for running away are weak at best and George C. Scott is able to navigate the underground porn world just a little too easily, and dispatches the real toughs too easily as well. The film has a great build up but the end is weak making the whole film suffer. The film does investigate the rarely filmed seedy pornography world of the late 70's and shows the audience a world where anything you want is available if only you know the right people. This is still true today, only now one must only know the right file-sharing program to download to gain access.

Overall - 6/10