Teeth (2007) 3/10

Teeth is an indie horror festival favorite that finds itself on the cheesy Dimension Extreme dvd line, a line known for its hit and miss reputation. For me, this one's certainly a miss.

Teeth is about a young girl who preaches the gospel of abstinence to other teens who unbeknownst to her, just happens to have a pair of teeth in her naughty bits.

So automatically I have a really hard time swallowing the absolutely liberal and feminist ideals found within this one. First off the film plays like a horror/comedy and the joke's on anybody who's decided to abstain from pre-martial sex. As if young people don't have enough pressure to have sex, this film nails them once again by mocking their beliefs and making fun of anyone who actually has any moral standards. The film also portrays the abstinence followers as brain washed teens who only believe in moral fortitude because of their laughable faith in God. Yay, yet another film that mocks young people's faith in religion. Just what the world needs, more fuel for the "do whatever the hell you want and screw the consequences," philosophy. Needless to say it was hard for me to stomach. Another axe I have to grind is the overwhelming negative portrayal of men in this film. According to this movie all young boys are morons, rapists, and have no appreciation for women as human beings at all. See, boys and girls, that's what we call feminist sexism. Sorry but not all guys are scum bags and not all women are wonderful. Actually, we're all human and have faults. And of course the main character's brother is a metal head that treats women like dirt, is prone to violence, and has no respect for his parents. Oh and he's in love with his sister in a sexual way. Metalhead and punks are always easy targets but i would have expected a bit more from a liberal crap fest then that. Once again, not all of us are scum bags, in fact most metal heads and punks are downright decent hard working blue collar folk.

Whew, that being said the film itself aside from the totally disgusting, infuriating and abhorrent political philosophy and sexist characterizations, isn't all that bad i guess. The film is competently directed and acted and has some seriously gross gore. In fact I get the feeling that when the film was sent out to festivals, there was less gore, and that for the dimension extreme release they stuck some juicy bits in to appeal to the horror audience.

In the end Teeth just has too obvious of a liberal feminist anti religion anti moral anti male axe to grind for me to swallow the rest of the film. If you believe in global warming, peace through pacifism, vegetarianism, socialism, and plain old garden variety sexism check this one out. If you have a brain in your head, don't bother.

Gore- medium

Nudity-plenty of severed man parts if that's your thing

Overall - 3/10